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Thread: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

  1. #361
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Well, I landed myself dead center on awkward island thanks to some recent developments with friends...

    BACKGROUND: I've known this girl, Sarah, since we were in High School back in 2002-03... Basically since Day 1 we've had this on again/off again thing going... Most of the time it was me liking her, but getting put in the "Friend Zone"... Despite this, we became the best of friends... Once I realized my place and accepted being in the "Fiend Zone", Sarah would have some change of heart where it comes out that she liked me and I should have made a move on her at X-point in the past... I then make my move at that time, but get the "Well the timing is off" excuse... This happened in High School, and it happened again once we both went away to college... Basically it was a comedy of errors on our timing I guess...

    This stressed our relationship, but we remained "best friend" close through it all... This all came to a head on Halloween 2008 when we ended up going out barhopping together... I had known that she was on rocky ground with her current boyfriend, but I kept my distance... That night she blind-sides me by hitting on me pretty hardcore... After getting caught completely off-guard initially, I regained my awareness of what's going on and by the end of the night reciprocated her moves... After that, despite several attempts by me, she basically didn't speak to me at any length till mid-December because she had blown her mind with her actions and mixed feelings I guess... Again I was left hanging as she decided to stick with her boyfriend at the time... After that I basically told her to "eff off"...

    In 2009 I had taken an internship down in Knoxville, TN while she finished up at Purdue... That summer, things with the boyfriend finally tanked, and she came to cry on my shoulder... Like a dumbass, I stood there for her... With my internship wrapping up and me moving back to Chicago in Oct., I decided to go "All in" on the situation... Once again, however, fate had different plans... Sarah had begun falling for my good friend Kevin... They had been friends since HS, and Kevin was a HS crush of hers, so I was sorta ok with that happening... The thing that blew that up was her reasoning however... I was told that she didn't want to date me because I was out of a job, living at home, I wasn't sure of my future, and I didn't have a grasp on what I was doing in life... She had a steady post-college job lined up and knew her deal pretty well... Only problem is that Kevin, the guy she was falling for, still acted like he was in high school... He lived at home, had no job other than umpiring baseball in the summer, and had zero incentive/instinct in his job hunt situation... His theory was to just hand off a half assed resume to a recruiter or his mom and let them send it out and research for openings...

    That juxtaposition was enough to finally set me off... I told her that she can basically write me off as a friend at that point... We still had many common friends, so we would eventually hang out (took till about March/April) and I would be nice and all... But we never really spoke outside of those situations other than a random "What bar are you guys at?" sort of text... And those deals would be pretty few and far between...

    Well, as of about 2 weeks ago, I guess she has taken a liking to my good friend Mike... I guess they have gone on a few dates and there is something there... Mike had bought cheap tickets to tomorrow's White Sox game and asked if I wanted to go... I just found out that the people going to the game are Mike, Sarah, Chis (probably my best friend and an ex of Sarah's) and myself...

    Just not sure how I should really feel about this situation... Sarah seems to really enjoy the tendency to date around in our circle of friends... Because of that, I find it hard to not think about the "Why not me?" card in the back of my head... With Mike, she would have dated 3 of my closest friends... As much as I don't want to, it's hard to think about all the reasons why she told me "no" and how they should also DQ the people she dates... I don't want to be a ***** towards her and Mike, but I really have no desire to converse with her at any point... Distance is a good thing to have between us... Just don't want to involve Mike in this crap since our friendship developed more post-college, so I don't think he has a full idea of what has gone on between us... I'm just worried about extra contact with Sarah and the results... I know I got to man up at some point and let things go... It's just hard to do... Despite the fact that we never did date, I would be lying if I said that the relationship between Sarah and I wasn't one of, if not the deepest relationship I have been in... There is a whole bunch more in the past to this deal, but this is long enough as it is... Anyone interested in sharing their $.02 on this deal? Just not sure the "ingnore unless absolutely necessary" tactic will work if her dating Mike really works out...
    It's never too early to start the Pre-game festivities

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  2. #362
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by RaceBoarder View Post
    Well, I landed myself dead center on awkward island thanks to some recent developments with friends...

    BACKGROUND: I've known this girl, Sarah, since we were in High School back in 2002-03... Basically since Day 1 we've had this on again/off again thing going... Most of the time it was me liking her, but getting put in the "Friend Zone"... Despite this, we became the best of friends... Once I realized my place and accepted being in the "Fiend Zone", Sarah would have some change of heart where it comes out that she liked me and I should have made a move on her at X-point in the past... I then make my move at that time, but get the "Well the timing is off" excuse... This happened in High School, and it happened again once we both went away to college... Basically it was a comedy of errors on our timing I guess...

    This stressed our relationship, but we remained "best friend" close through it all... This all came to a head on Halloween 2008 when we ended up going out barhopping together... I had known that she was on rocky ground with her current boyfriend, but I kept my distance... That night she blind-sides me by hitting on me pretty hardcore... After getting caught completely off-guard initially, I regained my awareness of what's going on and by the end of the night reciprocated her moves... After that, despite several attempts by me, she basically didn't speak to me at any length till mid-December because she had blown her mind with her actions and mixed feelings I guess... Again I was left hanging as she decided to stick with her boyfriend at the time... After that I basically told her to "eff off"...

    In 2009 I had taken an internship down in Knoxville, TN while she finished up at Purdue... That summer, things with the boyfriend finally tanked, and she came to cry on my shoulder... Like a dumbass, I stood there for her... With my internship wrapping up and me moving back to Chicago in Oct., I decided to go "All in" on the situation... Once again, however, fate had different plans... Sarah had begun falling for my good friend Kevin... They had been friends since HS, and Kevin was a HS crush of hers, so I was sorta ok with that happening... The thing that blew that up was her reasoning however... I was told that she didn't want to date me because I was out of a job, living at home, I wasn't sure of my future, and I didn't have a grasp on what I was doing in life... She had a steady post-college job lined up and knew her deal pretty well... Only problem is that Kevin, the guy she was falling for, still acted like he was in high school... He lived at home, had no job other than umpiring baseball in the summer, and had zero incentive/instinct in his job hunt situation... His theory was to just hand off a half assed resume to a recruiter or his mom and let them send it out and research for openings...

    That juxtaposition was enough to finally set me off... I told her that she can basically write me off as a friend at that point... We still had many common friends, so we would eventually hang out (took till about March/April) and I would be nice and all... But we never really spoke outside of those situations other than a random "What bar are you guys at?" sort of text... And those deals would be pretty few and far between...

    Well, as of about 2 weeks ago, I guess she has taken a liking to my good friend Mike... I guess they have gone on a few dates and there is something there... Mike had bought cheap tickets to tomorrow's White Sox game and asked if I wanted to go... I just found out that the people going to the game are Mike, Sarah, Chis (probably my best friend and an ex of Sarah's) and myself...

    Just not sure how I should really feel about this situation... Sarah seems to really enjoy the tendency to date around in our circle of friends... Because of that, I find it hard to not think about the "Why not me?" card in the back of my head... With Mike, she would have dated 3 of my closest friends... As much as I don't want to, it's hard to think about all the reasons why she told me "no" and how they should also DQ the people she dates... I don't want to be a ***** towards her and Mike, but I really have no desire to converse with her at any point... Distance is a good thing to have between us... Just don't want to involve Mike in this crap since our friendship developed more post-college, so I don't think he has a full idea of what has gone on between us... I'm just worried about extra contact with Sarah and the results... I know I got to man up at some point and let things go... It's just hard to do... Despite the fact that we never did date, I would be lying if I said that the relationship between Sarah and I wasn't one of, if not the deepest relationship I have been in... There is a whole bunch more in the past to this deal, but this is long enough as it is... Anyone interested in sharing their $.02 on this deal? Just not sure the "ingnore unless absolutely necessary" tactic will work if her dating Mike really works out...
    You can't do anything about who she chooses to date. It may suck but as long as she's around your friends you either have to put up with her or disassociate yourself with those friends if she's going to be around. If you're hooked on her after this long, I think you need to think of it this way: She wasn't interested like that and you just gotta move on. I know that's tougher to do than it is to say, however, it's something that you gotta figure out how to do. It's her loss if she misses out, you can't dwell on what could be.

  3. #363
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by collegehcky2 View Post
    You can't do anything about who she chooses to date. It may suck but as long as she's around your friends you either have to put up with her or disassociate yourself with those friends if she's going to be around. If you're hooked on her after this long, I think you need to think of it this way: She wasn't interested like that and you just gotta move on. I know that's tougher to do than it is to say, however, it's something that you gotta figure out how to do. It's her loss if she misses out, you can't dwell on what could be.
    Yea, that is basically my line of thinking.... I guess I am just more worried about my current friends (Mike) ending up as collateral damage if I chose the "ignore her" route...
    It's never too early to start the Pre-game festivities

    Go Cats!!! GO BLACKHAWKS!

    Cuck the Fubs... Let's Go WHITE SOX!!!

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  4. #364
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by RaceBoarder View Post
    Yea, that is basically my line of thinking.... I guess I am just more worried about my current friends (Mike) ending up as collateral damage if I chose the "ignore her" route...
    Well I think it's a "buyer beware" type of situation. If he knows you two were once close and now you're not, there's obviously a good reason he needs to comprehend.

  5. #365
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by RaceBoarder View Post
    Yea, that is basically my line of thinking.... I guess I am just more worried about my current friends (Mike) ending up as collateral damage if I chose the "ignore her" route...
    Move on bro. Unless you want to put in a monster effort to get out of a 10 year friend zone debacle, just date other women. And don't worry about your boy mike, he's getting the same nookie you have been dreaming about for a decade. He'll be okay...
    "Look to the end, no matter what it is you are considering. Often enough, God gives man a glimpse of happiness, and then utterly ruins him"

    -Herodotus

  6. #366
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Let. It. Go. Not gonna happen. Sucks, but that's what it is. As for mutual friends? No matter what you do, it's a 52-card-pickup situation, so to speak. You will lose out on some friends, and keep some friends. No matter what, you don't have to ignore her, but don't be a jack bag, and don't be a glad-handler.

    As for my situation, it's almost down to what you referred to as an "all-in." Girl I am interested in, via a very good friend who no longer lives in the same state. There are friends that I know, via the same way (they live in the same state as the girl; so if this goes bad, there goes that whole group). I can play it safe, or it is the following. The real conundrum? This has a very outside chance to be a long term thing:

    *******https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/tumblr_lo9njfzisp1qcgfjvo1_400.gif?w=352********
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Raceboarder: you'll end marrying the girl. Mark my word. She dates around your group of friends and you'll be the last. This is the classic, she's the only one that doesn't realize that she wants you situation. Sit tight, you'll get the last laugh. ( I have one of these situations, and I am trying to avoid getting the last laugh, because there are sand bags in minot smarter than this girl and I would kill someone if I had to put up with her for three days straight. )

    In other news I met the perfect girl tonight. Working on gameplan as I type this.
    Having a clear conscience just means you have a bad memory or you had a boring weekend.

    RIP - Kirby

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    I've been friend-zoned by a girl (her boyfriend of 5+ years will be graduating with her from RPI this May [she'll have an MS/BS continuing on to med school, he'll have a BS]) but I still chase her and torture myself. Why?

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by burgie12 View Post
    I've been friend-zoned by a girl (her boyfriend of 5+ years will be graduating with her from RPI this May [she'll have an MS/BS continuing on to med school, he'll have a BS]) but I still chase her and torture myself. Why?
    BF. Obsession. Admit to yourself it's not happening.

    It isn't healthy otherwise.
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    What if I said that we talk daily, skype weekly, and most every conversation contains the phrase "I love you" at some point. How much does that change the situation?

    Not at all? Yea, I know that, too, I just have a really *ing hard time admitting it.

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by burgie12 View Post
    What if I said that we talk daily, skype weekly, and most every conversation contains the phrase "I love you" at some point. How much does that change the situation?

    Not at all? Yea, I know that, too, I just have a really *ing hard time admitting it.
    Boyfriend 5 years.

    That answer your question? Friends. Period. Move on.
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by burgie12 View Post
    What if I said that we talk daily, skype weekly, and most every conversation contains the phrase "I love you" at some point. How much does that change the situation?

    Not at all? Yea, I know that, too, I just have a really *ing hard time admitting it.
    This tells me that you have an outside shot at being her maid of honor.
    Having a clear conscience just means you have a bad memory or you had a boring weekend.

    RIP - Kirby

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by bigblue_dl View Post
    This tells me that you have an outside shot at being her maid of honor.
    .
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

  14. #374
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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by burgie12 View Post
    What if I said that we talk daily, skype weekly, and most every conversation contains the phrase "I love you" at some point. How much does that change the situation?

    Not at all? Yea, I know that, too, I just have a really *ing hard time admitting it.
    That changes the situation to the point where at least we all know there's one guy in her life who really doesn't like you when he's not talking to her.
    "The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." George Orwell, 1984

    "One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its Black Gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume." Boromir

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    Quote Originally Posted by bigblue_dl View Post
    This tells me that you have an outside shot at being her maid of honor.
    Hysterical!

    Not sure if you were going for the "she probably thinks you're gay" angle. But if not, I'll add that as my 3 cents of the I love you conundrum

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting all over again. At least this girl follows a hockey team I actually like.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FlagDUDE08 View Post
    Picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting all over again. At least this girl follows a hockey team I actually like.
    I've given up on that, it's tough to find a woman that likes the same team. Always Sabres or Penguins fans.

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by collegehcky2 View Post
    I've given up on that, it's tough to find a woman that likes the same team. Always Sabres or Penguins fans.
    What's wrong with a Sabres fan?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FlagDUDE08 View Post
    What's wrong with a Sabres fan?
    Probably that she's from buffalo?

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    Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

    Quote Originally Posted by collegehcky2 View Post
    I've given up on that, it's tough to find a woman that likes the same team. Always Sabres or Penguins fans.
    By which you mean "Miller fans" and "Crosby fans".

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