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Thread: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

  1. #501
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    My pigeons are finally back from Laurium and Mt. Washington: Good.

    Your commish is tired and unable to post their results tonight: Take it however you want.
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  2. #502

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    My pigeons are finally back from Laurium and Mt. Washington: Good.

    Your commish is tired and unable to post their results tonight: Take it however you want.
    Take a MARS bar.

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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    My pigeons are finally back from Laurium and Mt. Washington: Good.

    Your commish is tired and unable to post their results tonight: Take it however you want.
    We all deserve our beauty sleep.And I have eye strain from watching that "other" tournament.
    Speaking of the Heimlich Cup why not add the gophers(since they began the tradition} Hold it at a neutral site, say the Holy Cross arena.
    GO DU !!!

  4. #504
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    Quote Originally Posted by vizoroo View Post
    We all deserve our beauty sleep.And I have eye strain from watching that "other" tournament.
    Speaking of the Heimlich Cup why not add the gophers(since they began the tradition} Hold it at a neutral site, say the Holy Cross arena.
    Results from Laurium will be up this afternoon!

  5. #505
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    this pigeon system of communications doesn't seem to work very well. I think the committee needs to work on something more reliable. Like Amtrak?
    Quote Originally Posted by mtu_huskies
    "We are not too far away from a national championship," said (John) Scott.
    Boosh Factor 4

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    Yeah, but you're my favorite hag.

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    Quote Originally Posted by huskyfan View Post
    this pigeon system of communications doesn't seem to work very well. I think the committee needs to work on something more reliable. Like Amtrak?
    Asst. Commish is barely a part time gig, and it's not like we get paid for running this sh*thole tournament!

    The last pigeon from Odessa had to be rerouted to Jersey this week, and I assume it got lost in the industrial smog. Hell, the poor thing could've choked to death for all I know!

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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    maybe Amtrak would trade message transportation for free advertising? Something like "we are slow and suck and so does this tournament"? Or easier yet, bribe a conductor to stick the results in his pocket and hand it off at the next convenient station? I'm here to help.
    Quote Originally Posted by mtu_huskies
    "We are not too far away from a national championship," said (John) Scott.
    Boosh Factor 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Brent Hoven
    Yeah, but you're my favorite hag.

  8. #508
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by huskyfan View Post
    maybe Amtrak would trade message transportation for free advertising? Something like "we are slow and suck and so does this tournament"? Or easier yet, bribe a conductor to stick the results in his pocket and hand it off at the next convenient station? I'm here to help.
    Only on the Northeast Corridor routes. Mostly business travelers with their nose buried in the phone, they'd never acknowledge any distribution of information on the vehicles shuffling them to their meeting, late as usual.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    Results from Laurium will be up this afternoon!
    Still waiting for the Laurium pigeon??

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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by RPI fan 4 life View Post
    Still waiting for the Laurium pigeon??
    The pigeon may have gotten confused. Laurium's sister city, Calumet, was up for Kraft's Hockeyville USA. So most of us spent last weekend voting repeatedly for Calumet. The pigeon may have thought that was the results he was waiting for, not the so called hockey game?
    Quote Originally Posted by mtu_huskies
    "We are not too far away from a national championship," said (John) Scott.
    Boosh Factor 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Brent Hoven
    Yeah, but you're my favorite hag.

  11. #511
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by huskyfan View Post
    The pigeon may have gotten confused. Laurium's sister city, Calumet, was up for Kraft's Hockeyville USA. So most of us spent last weekend voting repeatedly for Calumet. The pigeon may have thought that was the results he was waiting for, not the so called hockey game?
    This of course calls into question the selection of the Bicentennial Arena in the first place. There are people in the Keweenaw who can sniff out hockey from 12-15 miles away, so the possibility of maintaining a zero attendance is very low - and how can the hockey gods put these two events in essentially the same community?


  12. #512
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    The **** pigeon is back from Laurium. Florence + The Machine on the Commish's computer. We really did build a Ship to Wreck here.

    Game 1: What's a Catamount? vs. the Canisius Peter Griffins

    Period 1: With refs brought in from local watering holes, the game started super late. After puck drop, Jimmy Mazza of Canisius and Conor O'Neil of Vermont squared off and instead of fighting, began ice dancing. Trevor Large, quite disappointed to be playing in the middle of nowhere, was seen on the bench with one of those turnip and venison testicle pasties provided by Ollie Mae and Sven. He kept calling for a beer, and every time someone brought him an Old Milwaukee, he threw it on the ice. While O'Neil and Mazza continued their ice dancing routine, the refs did nothing and Max Kaufman got a very weak shot off against Blake Weyrick. Weyrick was reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the 13,000th time, so the shot went in. Somehow, O'Neil and Mazza stopped dancing and returned to their benches. Did we mention we couldn't afford to run the zamboni for this? Terrible ice conditions led to Austin Alger building snow piles in front of Steffano Lekkas' net, where the two just hung out and chatted about one day running a marathon. Alger then remembered Lekkas is the opposing goalie, and proceeded to shove the puck right past the Vermont netminder... and that's how the first period would end, tied at 1.

    Period 2: O'Neil and Mazza got together again, this time having a fight. Refs didn't know how to stop it, and this time, Mazza beat O'Neil with the Rock Bottom. This was the only action this period, and the period ended with both teams tied at 1.

    Period 3: With O'Neil tending to an injury, Canisius started to push Vermont around a bit. Very chippy play up and down the ice, slew footing occurred, I think I saw a spear right in Joey Cippollone's reproductive organs. Cipollone responded with a big hook, followed by a right hook. There was no major assessed for this, as my pigeon saw the refs get blackout drunk at a local bar a half hour before the game. With about 2 minutes left in regulation, Liam Coughlin fired a puck from the opposing blue line that bounced off the glass, off Felix Chamberlain's face, and in. Canisius would tie the game 30 seconds later. Craig Puffer's pass, intended for Matt Alvaro, was intercepted, marched down the ice, and put in past Lukkas. With 5 seconds remaining in regulation, Canisius was fooled by a venison testicle, and Alex Esposito was able to score from behind the net. That's how it would end, with Canisius advancing to the regional final.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
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  13. #513
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Game 2 from Laurium:

    St. Lawrence Aints vs. Mercyhurst Drowned In A Lake

    Before the first period, several St. Lawrence players were in the bathroom with "issues" from the venison testicle pasties. Somehow, Mercyhurst digested them just fine.

    Period 1: With the ice still terrible from the last game... seriously, my official there wondered why there's no zamboni, several players on both sides kept getting their skates stuck and pucks slowed way down. This was the only real action that happened this period, although a goal ALMOST happened when Cade Gleekel had a shot stop on the goal line. Stefano Cantali of Mercyhurst was seen calling for his mom, that he clearly didn't want to be there. The period ended with Ryan Garvey getting stuck, tripping and falling near the whiny Mercyhurst goalie. Sadly, no one scored a goal there.

    Period 2: The refs inserted themselves into the action, outright taking the puck away from players. A goal happened when an outraged SLU player, Bo Hanson, pushed a ref into the net after the ref took the puck. The goal counted, and SLU took a 1-0 lead. Mercyhurst came right back after trying a "hidden puck" trick of their own. Owen Norton fired a fake shot in front of Emil Zetterquist, and with Zetterquist distracted, Derek Barach was able to fire a shot from behind the net that bounced off Zetterquist's skates and in. And it wouldn't be a Bottom Feeders game without a coach fight. Mark Morris climbed into the Mercyhurst bench and started shoving Derek Gotkin. With the refs distracted, Zach Risteau started clearing the ice with a shovel. This is clearly against Bottom Feeders rules, but with no refs to stop it, what are we going to do? In all the distractions, Cade Gleekel finally got on the board with a shot he willed past Cantali. The period ended 2-1 SLU.

    Period 3: Mercyhurst started trying trick shots to no avail. Derek Gotkin of Mercyhurst finally got a couple jabs in on Morris, and the fight got onto the ice. Everyone linked up for a brawl. This brawl went on for over 15 minutes as no one bothered to stop the clock. With 1:30 left in regulation, Josh Lammon of Mercyhurst tried to tie the game, but the puck died in front of Zetterquist. For the last minute of play, Mercyhurst would try and try, but nothing would get past Zetterquist. The horn finally sounded, and the game ended with Mercyhurst advancing to play Canisius in the regional final.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
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    Adventures With Amber Marie

  14. #514
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Mt. Washington results to come tomorrow.

    Then again, this tournament is not known for timely results.

    For real, the Commish saw what her NMU degree got her (that and $2.50 for a large coffee at Simpatico), and so she's going for her Masters of Social Work from the University of Denver via online program.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Final results from Odessa came in this afternoon. The pigeon, covered in Jersey's finest soot, crashed into the window of the EWR Delta SkyClub (paid for by the Asst Commish's day job) a couple hours before I left for home.

    The Sparties and the refs got drunk on malt liquor the night before (typical ) and missed the first period. The "Not That Tiger"s thought it was just extended warmups, and only managed to put 11 points on the board despite the empty net. The Fartans came limping back in the 2nd and the score was 20-17 MSU after two. At this point, Princetom pulled Ferland and inserted Quebec freshman phenom Jeremie Forget, who held Smoke Green, Snort White to just 4 points in the 3rd. Unfortunately, Sparty held the Tiggers to only 7 points of their own, and regulation ended in a 24-24 tie.

    Five scoreless periods of OT were played. Finally, just after 9a CDT on Sunday morning, the organizing committee was informed by the mall owners that we had to vacate the rink before the mall reopened to the public at 10. The bored refs decided to end this game of "Yankee ice soccer" with a shootout. The lack-of-skills contest ended up going 23 rounds, with several "thunks" of missed shots hitting the backboards, before the Ivy Leaguers sent out third-string goalie Austin Shaw, who ended the game when he skated up to MSUcks goalie John Lululemon (or whoever) with the puck in his outstretched fist, and pulled the old, "Up high...down low...TOO SLOW!" trick, pulling his hand back, windmilling, and throwing the puck over Lululemon's left shoulder.

    The Tiggsies won by a final score of 25-24 and Shaw was rewarded with a voucher for a one-way Spirit Airlines flight home (transport to DFW and bags not included), while the Fartans advance to the Futile Four.
    Michigan Tech: "Working with scraps and guys from places so remote that Houghton seems like a metropolis"

  16. #516
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Krista C. Pigeon is back from Mt Washington.

    Game 1: Ferris State Bullpuppies vs. The Commish Put Michigan Tech In This Tournament On Purpose

    Period 1: Hunter Wendt and Seamus Donohoe, tops in penalty minutes on each team, squared off from the opening faceoff. But they suck at fighting, so it looked more like ballroom dancing. Marty the Cat didn't care. The ballroom dance routine went towards Romi Salmenkanges net, and when Jake Lucchini got close with the puck, the puck started to skitter away, only to have Wendt kick the puck in. Marty went in search of tuna. Speaking of Lucchini, he ate from the Mystery Meat, and was the only Tech player to not get sick from food poisoning. The period was marked by bad passes on sloppy ice, Marty walking around seeking head scratches, and Ferris ALMOST tied the game when Corey Mackin was stoned by Tech's Matt Jurusik. Mackin was so frustrated that he went to the bench and lit up a joint, getting stoned in a perceived good way.

    Period 2: Mackin, now 3 joints deep, is skating naked around the ice. Marty doesn't care, as he's had his tuna and is all set. Mackin did stop to pet Marty though. Ferris' other players, tried to drape a blanket around their naked forward and get him to the bench. Didn't work. Hunter Wendt decided to try and score a goal though, and he did, when it flicked off the skate of Jurusik and in. Tech attempted to take the lead later, when Trenton Bliss would try to walk the puck up the ice in his hands. Hunter Wendt checked him down to oblivion, then passed the puck to Nate Kallen, who put it in when Jurusik remembered he had meds to take, and was nowhere near his net. At this point, Ferris is up 2-1, and is poised to send Michigan Tech to the next round.

    Period 3: Bob Daniels was trying to ice the game and get his team out of there. Joe Shawan was trying to rally his troops, when Dylan Steman shouted at Daniels "the 1980s called... they want their clothes back!" Lucas Finner of Ferris climbed over to the Tech bench along with Wendt, and Steman started skating away furiously. In the chaos, Trenton Bliss of Michigan Tech tied it up for when he picked up the puck and threw it over Salmenkangas' shoulder. Game tied at 2, with a minute to play in the third (the Commish is yelling TECH STILL SUCKS at this time)... Jason Tacket of Ferris skated down the ice and stopped in front of Jurusik. Tackett yawned in front of the Tech goalie, and when Jurusik lunged at him, Tackett put it in. That's how it would end, with the Bullpuppies sending Michigan Tech to the next round.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
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  17. #517
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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Game 2: Wisconsin BADgers vs. Geno Needs To Coach the Hockey Team

    Period 1: Before the game, Tony Granato and Mike Cavanaugh decide to leave the skill players on the bench and send out the goons. This is an odd coincidence, because all of Wisconsin's skill players had some Live Mouse Stew before the game. Some players couldn't wait for the outhouse, as there was vomit and poo everywhere. UConn also had the stew, but didn't get sick. In period one, Seamus Malone challenged the entire UConn bench to a fight. Malone was confused as to why no one was coming. The Huskies only had one player with over 30 PIM, and while Malone was wanting a fight, Kale Howarth found the puck and put it past Daniel Lebedeff's outstretched paw.

    Period 2: The Commish forgot that UConn had one other player over 30 PIM. His name Mills? Mels? Oh yeah, MILES Gendron, and he decided to go after Tyler Inomato of Wisconsin. Wisconsin's other goons, Krista does not have their names, but it's understood that Mills got a beat down. Kale Howarth picked his teammate up and went back to the bench, then stuffed another puck into his pants. While all of Wisconsin's PIM leaders were distracted, he casually tossed the decoy puck into the Wisconsin net, and Marty allowed it. 2-0 UConn. Tony Granato is upset that Marty is doing nothing... and so decides to try and remove Marty from the ice. Marty urinated on Granato's leg. "Now I need a new suit," the Wisconsin coach proclaimed. Marty went around looking for more head scratches. All the UConn skill players happily obliged.

    Period 3: Wisconsin's goons were outsmarted, and with nothing else to do, decided to challenge Gendron and Howarth to Red Rover. "Red Rover, Red Rover, let MILES come over!" Miles was clotheslined into the next week. Tyler Inomato of Wisconsin tried to do something with the puck, and Granato, fresh from being baptized by Marty, had to walk down the ice and show the goon what to do. Granato helped to distract Adam Huska, and Inomato cut the lead in half. With one minute remaining, Seamus Malone also had to be walked down the ice courtesy of his coach, but Howarth stole the puck and put it past Lebedeff to ice the game. That's how it would end, with Wisconsin heading to the regional final.

    Your Commish has a lot of coursework to do, but will try her hardest to have Regional Final Results from Laurium and Mt. Washington up tomorrow.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  18. #518
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    Game 2: Wisconsin BADgers vs. Geno Needs To Coach the Hockey Team

    Period 1: Before the game, Tony Granato and Mike Cavanaugh decide to leave the skill players on the bench and send out the goons. This is an odd coincidence, because all of Wisconsin's skill players had some Live Mouse Stew before the game. Some players couldn't wait for the outhouse, as there was vomit and poo everywhere. UConn also had the stew, but didn't get sick. In period one, Seamus Malone challenged the entire UConn bench to a fight. Malone was confused as to why no one was coming. The Huskies only had one player with over 30 PIM, and while Malone was wanting a fight, Kale Howarth found the puck and put it past Daniel Lebedeff's outstretched paw.

    Period 2: The Commish forgot that UConn had one other player over 30 PIM. His name Mills? Mels? Oh yeah, MILES Gendron, and he decided to go after Tyler Inomato of Wisconsin. Wisconsin's other goons, Krista does not have their names, but it's understood that Mills got a beat down. Kale Howarth picked his teammate up and went back to the bench, then stuffed another puck into his pants. While all of Wisconsin's PIM leaders were distracted, he casually tossed the decoy puck into the Wisconsin net, and Marty allowed it. 2-0 UConn. Tony Granato is upset that Marty is doing nothing... and so decides to try and remove Marty from the ice. Marty urinated on Granato's leg. "Now I need a new suit," the Wisconsin coach proclaimed. Marty went around looking for more head scratches. All the UConn skill players happily obliged.

    Period 3: Wisconsin's goons were outsmarted, and with nothing else to do, decided to challenge Gendron and Howarth to Red Rover. "Red Rover, Red Rover, let MILES come over!" Miles was clotheslined into the next week. Tyler Inomato of Wisconsin tried to do something with the puck, and Granato, fresh from being baptized by Marty, had to walk down the ice and show the goon what to do. Granato helped to distract Adam Huska, and Inomato cut the lead in half. With one minute remaining, Seamus Malone also had to be walked down the ice courtesy of his coach, but Howarth stole the puck and put it past Lebedeff to ice the game. That's how it would end, with Wisconsin heading to the regional final.

    Your Commish has a lot of coursework to do, but will try her hardest to have Regional Final Results from Laurium and Mt. Washington up tomorrow.
    Excellent! Sounds like Marty the Cat was quite busy with these two games. No rest for the weary cat. You can call him anything, just do not call him "late for dinner."

  19. #519
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snively65 View Post
    Excellent! Sounds like Marty the Cat was quite busy with these two games. No rest for the weary cat. You can call him anything, just do not call him "late for dinner."
    He needs to work one more time tonight, reffing the Wisconsin vs Tech game.

    Remind me who's left in Laurium?

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    Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    He needs to work one more time tonight, reffing the Wisconsin vs Tech game.

    Remind me who's left in Laurium?
    Mercyhurst/Canisus
    Michigan Tech: "Working with scraps and guys from places so remote that Houghton seems like a metropolis"

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