Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

[Slap Shot]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

Ok, but I don't think anyone surviving the Holocaust would consider it a privileged path to post-war achieved successes.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

Spending 30 minutes on the elliptical yesterday and feeling wiped out. I knew I'd lose fitness after three months off; I didn't think I'd lose it that much.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

Also, I'm writing my memoir, and I wrote about my one and only visit to a strip club in July 2005. But what I wrote seems clunky, disjointed, and self-righteous, which is not my style at all.

[leswp1]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

dictate. I use my phone and dictate a doc then edit after.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

dictate. I use my phone and dictate a doc then edit after.

This is what I wrote. You be the judge. Right now, I'm still writing the first draft.

Late July 2005, still without a driver’s license, I took the risk of driving to Lake City to join my friend Drew for his birthday weekend. I made it up there just fine, even though I accidentally drove past his house more than once. You see children, back in 2005, we didn’t have GPS on our phones, and we didn’t even have Google Maps. We had a website called Mapquest, and it wasn’t accurate. Eventually, I made it to his house, and there was much rejoicing. I got some water and a light snack upon arrival, and we hung out all weekend. But that night, we went to a strip, I mean “Gentleman’s” club, and I had no idea how to handle myself. I spent a lot of money on lap dances, handing money to the girls, etc. I was basically out of money by the time we left the club, and I was embarrassed. I told my Mom, and she forgave me. And with my relationship with Christ at the time, I thought God was going to flat out kill me. A week or so prior, I gave my testimony at church, and I thought I was a fraud. But I was forgiven, not only by God, but by other people. In the aftermath of this, I also learned that strip clubs objectify women. I thought of the women in my life, realized attending strip clubs meant I thought they were less than human, and I knew I could never go to one again. I talked to a few others, and realized with their “look, don’t touch” motif, it’s a colossal waste of money.

[Spartanforlife4]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

Lake City has a strip club? Lake City?

[MissThundercat]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

Lake City has a strip club? Lake City?

No, but Cadillac does. We went there.

[The Rube]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

Lake City has a strip club? Lake City?

Sartell MN has a strip club, but St Cloud doesn't (city law, IIRC). It's not good (even for strip clubs, which I dislike).

[MissThundercat]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

But with the piece I posted, does it sound self-righteous? That's all I want to know.

[The Rube]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

But with the piece I posted, does it sound self-righteous? That's all I want to know.

The "good" strip clubs...the women do it because it's a boatload of cash, and it's their choice to perform that job. When the NoDak oil boom was at the top of its game, Las Vegas strippers would travel up to the clubs in NoDak, because it was better money (yes, you read that right).

The shady ones, or not good ones, well, it's income, one supposes (I'll make no other assumptions, but we have all heard the stereotypes).

That being said, I've been in 2 clubs. The Sartell one was because I was sure that if I didn't go, I'd miss out on a story. The other one was Deja Vu in Mpls, and my college roommate and I took his niece and her friend. We were the "fake boyfriends" (there was a 3 year difference in age, btw) in case some jack bags tried hitting on them or something.

Never spent a dollar in either place. My cover charges were covered by friends both times.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

The "good" strip clubs...the women do it because it's a boatload of cash, and it's their choice to perform that job. When the NoDak oil boom was at the top of its game, Las Vegas strippers would travel up to the clubs in NoDak, because it was better money (yes, you read that right).

The shady ones, or not good ones, well, it's income, one supposes (I'll make no other assumptions, but we have all heard the stereotypes).

That being said, I've been in 2 clubs. The Sartell one was because I was sure that if I didn't go, I'd miss out on a story. The other one was Deja Vu in Mpls, and my college roommate and I took his niece and her friend. We were the "fake boyfriends" (there was a 3 year difference in age, btw) in case some jack bags tried hitting on them or something.

Never spent a dollar in either place. My cover charges were covered by friends both times.

This is all true. I'll just leave it for now, and if I decide to edit it, I can go back and do it later.

[dxmnkd316]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

But with the piece I posted, does it sound self-righteous? That's all I want to know.

The first half is a little curmudgeony. The second half seems fine. It explains the your mindset. I’d spend more time on that. A lot more. And the point isn’t to fit this into a tweet, I don’t think (it’s not my book). It’s to thoroughly expound your feelings and thoughts at the time. Go into the why and what.

Don’t preach at the children unless overly sassy is what you’re going for. If it’s not, then that doesn’t add to the story. Write with a purpose. Everything should be carefully considered. Don’t put parsley on the plate unless you want the diner to eat it.

[The Rube]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

The first half is a little curmudgeony. The second half seems fine. It explains the your mindset. I’d spend more time on that. A lot more. And the point isn’t to fit this into a tweet, I don’t think (it’s not my book). It’s to thoroughly expound your feelings and thoughts at the time. Go into the why and what.

Don’t preach at the children unless overly sassy is what you’re going for. If it’s not, then that doesn’t add to the story. Write with a purpose. Everything should be carefully considered. Don’t put parsley on the plate unless you want the diner to eat it.

Agreed. Go with the mindset at the time, don't preach. Explain WHY you felt the way you did, don't tell others why you think their mindset is wrong. It's a fine line, but you can do it. You're smart enough.

[dxmnkd316]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

Well, here’s the thing. Tell people they’re wrong if that’s what you’re trying to do. You should do that. You have a unique perspective.

Anyways, I’m not sure you’re doing that here. I’m not sure rube understands my post. The children comment just seems snide. But again, it’s all about the tone you want to take. It could be cheeky and fun if the rest of your book is like that.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Gear Grinding 9: I Need a Wine!

The first half is a little curmudgeony. The second half seems fine. It explains the your mindset. I’d spend more time on that. A lot more. And the point isn’t to fit this into a tweet, I don’t think (it’s not my book). It’s to thoroughly expound your feelings and thoughts at the time. Go into the why and what.

Don’t preach at the children unless overly sassy is what you’re going for. If it’s not, then that doesn’t add to the story. Write with a purpose. Everything should be carefully considered. Don’t put parsley on the plate unless you want the diner to eat it.

Agreed. Go with the mindset at the time, don't preach. Explain WHY you felt the way you did, don't tell others why you think their mindset is wrong. It's a fine line, but you can do it. You're smart enough.

Thank you for your honest feedback. It is a first draft, and it will undergo a few revisions before publishing. But I wanted to ask now.