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Thread: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

  1. #121
    Unobtanium Medallion FadeToBlack&Gold's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    Me at age 25: why do adults like HGTV?
    Now: Tile floors with THOSE cabinets? What's your problem, lady?
    If I have to watch one more couple on House Hunters demand granite countertops, hardwood floors, and stainless steel appliances, I'm gonna snap.

  2. #122
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    I also watch cooking shows the same way I watch sports.

    "That's too much orange zest! Are you blind?"
    "Grab the butter, you moron!"
    "NOOOOOOO! Don't use the truffle oil!"
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  3. #123
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    I also watch cooking shows the same way I watch sports.

    "That's too much orange zest! Are you blind?"
    "Grab the butter, you moron!"
    "NOOOOOOO! Don't use the truffle oil!"
    "Terrible clock management!"
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  4. #124
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by FadeToBlack&Gold View Post
    If I have to watch one more couple on House Hunters demand granite countertops, hardwood floors, and stainless steel appliances, I'm gonna snap.
    I have an ongoing argument with Dr. Mrs who loves that f-cking show. I am convinced the entire show is just an ad placed by those manufacturers.
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  5. #125
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    I have an ongoing argument with Dr. Mrs who loves that f-cking show. I am convinced the entire show is just an ad placed by those manufacturers.
    I'm also convinced every couple on that show sounds like this: "I'm a part-time kindergarten teacher and my husband hangs potatoes in garages for a living. We're looking for a downtown penthouse loft and our budget is 5 million dollars."

  6. #126
    Unobtanium Medallion FadeToBlack&Gold's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    I have an ongoing argument with Dr. Mrs who loves that f-cking show. I am convinced the entire show is just an ad placed by those manufacturers.
    Fun fact - the redneck part of my family had a house they built on Big Pine Key, FL featured in that show a few years back. Right down to the "skeleton/pirate" my uncle keeps in the backyard.

    HH International is better. Fewer demands, and often cuter couples (duh).

  7. #127
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    I'm also convinced every couple on that show sounds like this: "I'm a part-time kindergarten teacher and my husband hangs potatoes in garages for a living. We're looking for a downtown penthouse loft and our budget is 5 million dollars."
    They're always from SoCal or Scottsdale. Trust fund kids.

    Did I mention we need a 90% estate tax?
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  8. #128
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    "Terrible clock management!"
    "You can't make rice in 30 minutes!"
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  9. #129

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    I prefer Fixer Upper. Though Flip or Flop is so flippin predictable on blown estimates and the hidden disaster that will run the cost up by $10K.

    I'm waiting for Tarik to whip out the gun and start blasting the walls.

  10. #130
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    I have an ongoing argument with Dr. Mrs who loves that f-cking show. I am convinced the entire show is just an ad placed by those manufacturers.
    I know a couple that was on the show. They had already bought their house. They were then instructed to try and say bad things about their house, and good things about the other houses (which were picked for them to look through) so that viewers will be guessing which house they picked.
    "reality" tv at its reality-est

  11. #131
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by wolverineTrumpet View Post
    I know a couple that was on the show. They had already bought their house. They were then instructed to try and say bad things about their house, and good things about the other houses (which were picked for them to look through) so that viewers will be guessing which house they picked.
    "reality" tv at its reality-est
    This seems to be the standard practice. You can usually predict which house will be "chosen" because it's the one with no furniture in it. The others are still on the market and have stuff in them, but the lucky "winner" has already been vacated by the seller because the couple on the show has bought it.
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  12. #132
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    Husband is drinking wine...

    Wife: I thought you were having a dry January!
    Husband: This is dry; it's a Sauvignon Blanc.

  13. #133
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is willing to accept that it needs help.

    Also, I opened a box of Suddenly Salad two hours ago, and I'm still waiting.
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  14. #134
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is willing to accept that it needs help.
    How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
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  15. #135
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
    Just one, as long as the light bulb wants to change.

  16. #136
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    In a hotel lobby, a man accidentally elbows a woman in the chest. Man turns to the woman and says, "if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." Woman responds, "and if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 457."

  17. #137
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
    How many Irishmen does it take?
    bigmrg74: "You can't drink the day away if you don't start early!"
    SledDog: "UncleRay seems to be the most sensible one here tonight."
    All great men are dead and I'm not feeling well.
    A Margarita! in every hand and another Margarita! in the other hand!

    And stay off the lawn!

  18. #138
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by UncleRay View Post
    How many Irishmen does it take?
    I assume he holds it and the room spins?

    How many feminists does it take?
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  19. #139
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    Also, I opened a box of Suddenly Salad two hours ago, and I'm still waiting.
    "hey, what's up with those soft-boiled eggs you promised me awhile ago?"
    -- [tearfully] I've been boiling them for nearly an hour and yet they are just as hard now as when I started....
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

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  20. #140
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    joecct posted in the science thread about a toilet seat that tells you how much weight you lost after taking a dump. So what's the name for this toilet seat? The sh-tbit?

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