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A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

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  • #61
    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Originally posted by FlagDUDE08 View Post
    An atheist, a homosexual, and vegan walk into a bar. They mentioned this within two minutes of arriving.
    The runner went to a different bar.
    Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
    "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
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    • #62
      Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

      Q: What do porcupines say after they kiss?
      A: "Ouch."
      Fighting Sioux Forever

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      • #63
        Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

        A man walked down O'Connell Street from one end of Dublin to the other, and yet he did not pass a single bar?

        How could this be?

        He entered every one of them!
        "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

        "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

        "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

        "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

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        • #64
          Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

          When someone tells me "stop!", I have a problem. I don't know if it's in the name of love, if it's hammertime, or I should collaborate and listen.
          Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
          "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
          Patreon for exclusive writing content
          Adventures With Amber Marie

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          • #65
            Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

            What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

            COMET!
            Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
            "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
            Patreon for exclusive writing content
            Adventures With Amber Marie

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            • #66
              Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

              Man: Girl, are you sitting on an F5 key? Because that booty is refreshing!

              Girl: Rupert, are you a software update? Because not right now.
              Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
              "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
              Patreon for exclusive writing content
              Adventures With Amber Marie

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              • #67
                Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                Two men walk into a restaurant and sit at the counter. First guy speaks up and says "I'll have a glass of H2O." Second guy says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, too."

                The second man is now dead.
                Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                Patreon for exclusive writing content
                Adventures With Amber Marie

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                • #68
                  Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                  Watched a Louis CK special the other night, they showed the intro (for whatever reason). So terrible, I chuckled:

                  I have a stepladder. Never knew my real ladder. People tell me he supported 3 people at once. Unfortunately, he's in a 12-step program right now.

                  While laughing, in my mind I was thinking "Stahhhhhp."
                  Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
                  Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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                  • #69
                    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                    Originally posted by FlagDUDE08 View Post
                    An atheist, a homosexual, and vegan walk into a bar. They mentioned this within two minutes of arriving.
                    This one also works for, "A Harvard grad, a Yale grad, and a Michigan grad..."

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                    • #70
                      Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                      How to get to Heaven from Ireland : A true story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher

                      I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

                      I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?

                      ''NO!' the children answered.

                      'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?

                      'Again, the answer was 'NO!

                      ''If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'

                      Again, they all answered 'NO!

                      I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'

                      A little boy shouted out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'

                      It's a curious race, the Irish.

                      Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
                      A bad cause requires many words.

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                      • #71
                        Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                        "You're still a rockstar," I say to myself... as I take my nighttime medicine and crawl into bed by 9 PM.
                        Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                        "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                        Patreon for exclusive writing content
                        Adventures With Amber Marie

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                          Originally posted by SonofSouthie View Post
                          How to get to Heaven from Ireland : A true story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher

                          I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

                          I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?

                          ''NO!' the children answered.

                          'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?

                          'Again, the answer was 'NO!

                          ''If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'

                          Again, they all answered 'NO!

                          I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'

                          A little boy shouted out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'

                          It's a curious race, the Irish.

                          Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
                          Seamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three shots of Bushmills and three pints of Guinness.
                          "Rough day, friend?" the bartender asks as he pours the drinks.
                          "Nah - it's for me brothers. The three of us used to drink together back home in Dublin when we were younger. Now Mick's in London, Paddy's in Australia, and I'm here in New York. We hardly ever see each other these days, but when we left home, we swore we'd drink like this in honor of the times we was together."
                          Seamus returns every Friday night, always ordering the same thing. The lone Irishman with three shots and three pints becomes a familiar sight to the other patrons.
                          Then, one Friday night, Seamus comes in looking downcast. He walks up to the bartender and orders two shots and two pints. A stunned silence falls over the regular patrons.
                          "Oh, Seamus. I'm so sorry for your loss," says the bartender. "Which brother did you lose? Mick or Paddy?"
                          "Oh, no! Me brothers are fine!" says Seamus. "It's just that me wife's made me quit drinking!"

                          Slainte to a fellow mick.
                          Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
                          Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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                          • #73
                            Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                            Originally posted by FadeToBlack&Gold View Post
                            This one also works for, "A Harvard grad, a Yale grad, and a Michigan grad..."
                            Michigan? One of these things is not like the other...

                            I heard it as "a libertarian, a vegan, and a Born Again..." I think Dude may have switched them up to fit his hangups.
                            Cornell University
                            National Champion 1967, 1970
                            ECAC Champion 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1973, 1980, 1986, 1996, 1997, 2003, 2005, 2010
                            Ivy League Champion 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1977, 1978, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2012, 2014, 2018, 2019, 2020

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                            • #74
                              Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                              Originally posted by Kepler View Post
                              Michigan? One of these things is not like the other...
                              Well, I've never met anyone who made sure to insert "Did I mention that I went to Brown?" into a random conversation.

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                              • #75
                                Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                                Originally posted by Kepler View Post
                                Michigan? One of these things is not like the other...

                                I heard it as "a libertarian, a vegan, and a Born Again..." I think Dude may have switched them up to fit his hangups.
                                And a Crossfitter. And a Herbashakealifeologist/whatever multilevel marketing scam the kiddies are up to these days.
                                Michigan Tech Huskies Pep Band: There's No Use Trying To Talk. No Human Sound Can Stand Up To This. Loud Enough To Knock You Down.

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