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A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

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  • In a hotel lobby, a man accidentally elbows a woman in the chest. Man turns to the woman and says, "if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." Woman responds, "and if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 457."
    Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
    "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
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    • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

      Originally posted by Kepler View Post
      How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
      How many Irishmen does it take?
      bigmrg74: "You can't drink the day away if you don't start early!"
      SledDog: "UncleRay seems to be the most sensible one here tonight."
      All great men are dead and I'm not feeling well.
      A Margarita! in every hand and another Margarita! in the other hand!

      And stay off the lawn!

      Comment


      • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

        Originally posted by UncleRay View Post
        How many Irishmen does it take?
        I assume he holds it and the room spins?

        How many feminists does it take?
        Cornell University
        National Champion 1967, 1970
        ECAC Champion 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1973, 1980, 1986, 1996, 1997, 2003, 2005, 2010
        Ivy League Champion 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1977, 1978, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2012, 2014, 2018, 2019, 2020

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        • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

          Originally posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
          Also, I opened a box of Suddenly Salad two hours ago, and I'm still waiting.
          "hey, what's up with those soft-boiled eggs you promised me awhile ago?"
          -- [tearfully] I've been boiling them for nearly an hour and yet they are just as hard now as when I started....
          "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

          "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

          "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

          "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

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          • joecct posted in the science thread about a toilet seat that tells you how much weight you lost after taking a dump. So what's the name for this toilet seat? The sh-tbit?
            Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
            "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
            Patreon for exclusive writing content
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            • Originally posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
              joecct posted in the science thread about a toilet seat that tells you how much weight you lost after taking a dump. So what's the name for this toilet seat? The sh-tbit?
              The first name for the all encompassing toilet seat was rejected by the marketing department. Dry Your Rear was deemed unacceptable.
              CCT '77 & '78
              4 kids
              5 grandsons (BCA 7/09, CJA 5/14, JDL 8/14, JFL 6/16, PJL 7/18)
              1 granddaughter (EML 4/18)

              ”Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
              - Benjamin Franklin

              Banned from the St. Lawrence University Facebook page - March 2016 (But I got better).

              I want to live forever. So far, so good.

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              • Tried to kill a roach with Axe Body Spray. Now his name is Brett and he won't shut up about CrossFit.
                Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                Patreon for exclusive writing content
                Adventures With Amber Marie

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                • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                  "You can do it."- Coffee

                  Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Try being more like coffee.

                  Come here, you beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we're going to get done today.
                  Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                  "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                  Patreon for exclusive writing content
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                  • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                    Originally posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
                    "You can do it."- Coffee

                    Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Try being more like coffee.

                    Come here, you beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we're going to get done today.
                    sounds like your employer dispenses performance-enhancing drugs to its employees too...

                    I saw a sign on a street vendor's cart: "Drink Coffee: do stupid stuff faster with more energy."
                    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

                    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

                    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

                    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

                    Comment


                    • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                      Originally posted by FreshFish View Post
                      sounds like your employer dispenses performance-enhancing drugs to its employees too...

                      I saw a sign on a street vendor's cart: "Drink Coffee: do stupid stuff faster with more energy."
                      I also saw this one: "Today: Brought to you by coffee."

                      That's true in my life...
                      Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                      "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                      Patreon for exclusive writing content
                      Adventures With Amber Marie

                      Comment


                      • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                        Shirt worn by a Nun in "The Young Pope."

                        I'm a virgin.

                        But this is an old shirt.
                        Cornell University
                        National Champion 1967, 1970
                        ECAC Champion 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1973, 1980, 1986, 1996, 1997, 2003, 2005, 2010
                        Ivy League Champion 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1977, 1978, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2012, 2014, 2018, 2019, 2020

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                        • I just want abs... olutely all the bacon.
                          Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                          "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                          Patreon for exclusive writing content
                          Adventures With Amber Marie

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                          • I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
                            Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                            "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                            Patreon for exclusive writing content
                            Adventures With Amber Marie

                            Comment


                            • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                              Originally posted by UncleRay View Post
                              How many Irishmen does it take [to change a lightbulb]?

                              I heard it was six...one to change the bulb, five more to drink a toast in memory of the bulb that died.


                              How many union members does it take to change a light bulb?

                              Just one...except it takes him three days, one to set up the ladder, one to remove the old bulb, and one to insert the new one. (we don't include taking down the ladder on day four, as the bulb was already changed by then)
                              "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

                              "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

                              "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

                              "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

                              Comment


                              • Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                                Originally posted by FreshFish View Post
                                I heard it was six...one to change the bulb, five more to drink a toast in memory of the bulb that died.


                                How many union members does it take to change a light bulb?

                                Just one...except it takes him three days, one to set up the ladder, one to remove the old bulb, and one to insert the new one. (we don't include taking down the ladder on day four, as the bulb was already changed by then)
                                Close. one to hold the bulb, the other five to drink until the room spins.
                                bigmrg74: "You can't drink the day away if you don't start early!"
                                SledDog: "UncleRay seems to be the most sensible one here tonight."
                                All great men are dead and I'm not feeling well.
                                A Margarita! in every hand and another Margarita! in the other hand!

                                And stay off the lawn!

                                Comment

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