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Really Terrible Puns, v 10

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  • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    A: Ma'am, you're bleeding out and you're gonna need a transfusion. What's your blood type?
    B: B positive.
    A: I'm trying, but you're bleeding a lot!
    Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
    "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
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    • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

      You dropped your tuba on the floor? That's tubad.
      Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
      "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
      Patreon for exclusive writing content
      Adventures With Amber Marie

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      • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

        "The overwhelming whiteness of the polar bear community should give us all paws."

        -Babylon Bee
        CCT '77 & '78
        4 kids
        5 grandsons (BCA 7/09, CJA 5/14, JDL 8/14, JFL 6/16, PJL 7/18)
        1 granddaughter (EML 4/18)

        ”Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
        - Benjamin Franklin

        Banned from the St. Lawrence University Facebook page - March 2016 (But I got better).

        I want to live forever. So far, so good.

        Comment


        • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

          Me: You know what's really odd?
          joe: Numbers not divisible by 2.
          Me: That was so bad, I can't even.
          Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
          "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
          Patreon for exclusive writing content
          Adventures With Amber Marie

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          • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

            To cancel my gym membership, I had to submit a too weak notice.
            Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
            "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
            Patreon for exclusive writing content
            Adventures With Amber Marie

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            • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

              Originally posted by aparch View Post
              Saw on a friends FB:

              There once was a girl from Purdue
              Who kept a young cat in a pew
              She taught it to speak
              Alphabetical Greek
              But it never got farther than μ
              This is f-cking outstanding.
              Cornell University
              National Champion 1967, 1970
              ECAC Champion 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1973, 1980, 1986, 1996, 1997, 2003, 2005, 2010
              Ivy League Champion 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1977, 1978, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2012, 2014, 2018, 2019, 2020

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              • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

                Not a pun. But got a chuckle on this FB post.

                RETIRED HUSBAND

                After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

                Dear Mrs. Harris:

                Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
                We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

                Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

                1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

                2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

                3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

                4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

                5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

                6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

                7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

                8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

                9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

                10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

                11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

                12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

                13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

                14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
                'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

                15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

                And last, but not least:

                16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
                CCT '77 & '78
                4 kids
                5 grandsons (BCA 7/09, CJA 5/14, JDL 8/14, JFL 6/16, PJL 7/18)
                1 granddaughter (EML 4/18)

                ”Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
                - Benjamin Franklin

                Banned from the St. Lawrence University Facebook page - March 2016 (But I got better).

                I want to live forever. So far, so good.

                Comment


                • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

                  You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany, or something like that.
                  Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                  "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                  Patreon for exclusive writing content
                  Adventures With Amber Marie

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                  • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

                    I challenged the number one to a fight, then they brought their friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.

                    The odds were against me.
                    Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                    "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
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                    • Originally posted by MissThundercat View Post
                      I challenged the number one to a fight, then they brought their friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.

                      The odds were against me.
                      They were almost in prime condition too. However, I think you offered to fight them even up, even if the ref was irrational.
                      CCT '77 & '78
                      4 kids
                      5 grandsons (BCA 7/09, CJA 5/14, JDL 8/14, JFL 6/16, PJL 7/18)
                      1 granddaughter (EML 4/18)

                      ”Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
                      - Benjamin Franklin

                      Banned from the St. Lawrence University Facebook page - March 2016 (But I got better).

                      I want to live forever. So far, so good.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

                        Originally posted by joecct View Post
                        They were almost in prime condition too. However, I think you offered to fight them even up, even if the ref was irrational.
                        At least the ref wasn't imaginary.
                        Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                        "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                        Patreon for exclusive writing content
                        Adventures With Amber Marie

                        Comment


                        • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

                          I went to the doctor and he asked for a stool sample. I pulled out a tiny chair from my bag, and he yelled at me for wasting his time, so I went home. I don't know why I'm ****ting furniture..
                          Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                          "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                          Patreon for exclusive writing content
                          Adventures With Amber Marie

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by MissThundercat View Post
                            I went to the doctor and he asked for a stool sample. I pulled out a tiny chair from my bag, and he yelled at me for wasting his time, so I went home. I don't know why I'm ****ting furniture..
                            You're tough as nails?
                            CCT '77 & '78
                            4 kids
                            5 grandsons (BCA 7/09, CJA 5/14, JDL 8/14, JFL 6/16, PJL 7/18)
                            1 granddaughter (EML 4/18)

                            ”Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
                            - Benjamin Franklin

                            Banned from the St. Lawrence University Facebook page - March 2016 (But I got better).

                            I want to live forever. So far, so good.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

                              Within minutes, detectives found the murder weapon. It was a brief case.
                              Last edited by MissThundercat; 09-27-2019, 08:52 AM.
                              Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                              "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                              Patreon for exclusive writing content
                              Adventures With Amber Marie

                              Comment


                              • Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

                                There was a huge fight at the local Red Lobster; there were battered fish everywhere!
                                Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                                "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                                Patreon for exclusive writing content
                                Adventures With Amber Marie

                                Comment

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