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View Full Version : Bottom Feeders 2019-20: Timely Results Are For That "Other" Tournament.



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MissThundercat
07-29-2019, 06:06 PM
Hi, it's Amber Marie, and out of a dingy office in Holland, MI, we're bringing back what you want to see: Teams that are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. We added a midseason tournament in the NoWINS Classic. We brought on a few more people to help write results... even though these results will never be delivered in a timely manner... we're still relying on carrier pigeons!

But the commish does have a heart, and we're laying off the Alaska schools. Hard to mock teams that Thanos can snap and erase. We genuinely don't want Thanos to snap and erase them.

FadeToBlack&Gold
07-29-2019, 06:29 PM
What are the rules for this year's regional and Futile Four site bids, Madam Commish?

MissThundercat
07-29-2019, 06:47 PM
What are the rules for this year's regional and Futile Four site bids, Madam Commish?

Same as they ever were. Hard to reach, dilapidated, no possible tourist destinations, and we are adding weight to mice/rat/cockroach infestations and carbon monoxide. Definitely no in-house wifi. For a place like Mt. Washington, for the last couple years, teams have been complaining about the weather AND location, so we'll keep them in mind for the East again.

cetihcra
07-29-2019, 07:23 PM
Same as they ever were. Hard to reach, dilapidated, no possible tourist destinations, and we are adding weight to mice/rat/cockroach infestations and carbon monoxide. Definitely no in-house wifi. For a place like Mt. Washington, for the last couple years, teams have been complaining about the weather AND location, so we'll keep them in mind for the East again.

Mount Washington is amazing, I donít understand the complaints. I hear Baltimore is a suitable site though?

r

MissThundercat
07-29-2019, 07:36 PM
Mount Washington is amazing, I donít understand the complaints. I hear Baltimore is a suitable site though?

r

People don't like playing in winds that can blow you off the mountain. I don't know, as Commish, all complaints go in that little slot in the office wall over there, where a shredder awaits.

FadeToBlack&Gold
07-29-2019, 08:03 PM
Same as they ever were. Hard to reach, dilapidated, no possible tourist destinations, and we are adding weight to mice/rat/cockroach infestations and carbon monoxide. Definitely no in-house wifi. For a place like Mt. Washington, for the last couple years, teams have been complaining about the weather AND location, so we'll keep them in mind for the East again.

Well, it's a bit too early for the Assistant Commish to come out of his summer hibernation. I have been thinking about seeing if Baltika will sponsor us if we make #9 the official beverage of the entire BFB this year. Then we could really push the Russian collusion theme. However, I'm too tired and lazy to get off my arse and make the call to St. Petersburg for at least another month.

MissThundercat
07-29-2019, 08:06 PM
Well, it's a bit too early for the Assistant Commish to come out of his summer hibernation. I have been thinking about seeing if Baltika will sponsor us if we make #9 the official beverage of the entire BFB this year. Then we could really push the Russian collusion theme. However, I'm too tired and lazy to get off my arse and make the call to St. Petersburg for at least another month.

Okay. You know we don't really do anything in a timely manner around here, so take your time. You worked so hard last year that you I'll buy you a large brewed coffee at Simpatico when you come back!

joecct
07-30-2019, 03:00 PM
Mount Washington is amazing, I donít understand the complaints. I hear Baltimore is a suitable site though?

r

Oh, do I have rink for you in Baltimore City. Mimi DiPietro Rink aka Patterson Park. Little parking, it's a bubble and the ice is a few inches away from the boards.

https://bcrp.baltimorecity.gov/DiPietroIceRink

FadeToBlack&Gold
07-30-2019, 03:46 PM
We'd need to render the fireplace inoperable. Or maybe we could weave it into the event somehow...

MissThundercat
07-30-2019, 05:09 PM
We'd need to render the fireplace inoperable. Or maybe we could weave it into the event somehow...

What if we stoked it, and instead of players in a box, players sat in the fireplace while it was lit?

Snively65
07-30-2019, 06:15 PM
Mount Washington is amazing, I donít understand the complaints. I hear Baltimore is a suitable site though?

r

Marty upping his fee to two cans of tuna per day this year.

MissThundercat
07-30-2019, 06:45 PM
Marty upping his fee to two cans of tuna per day this year.

Does Marty want to be guest ref this year? I'm leaning toward the East regional being in Mt Washington again, if someone can loan us a Weather Machine.

ticapnews
07-31-2019, 10:16 AM
You could use the community ice here in Topsham, Maine for the East regional. We have no boards, no stands for fans, almost no parking and if the temperature is above freezing (almost certainly a given at that time of year) the ice will be more of a puddle than a sheet since it's outside. Another bonus is that the surface isn't even close to regulation and there are no markings on the ice. Come to think of it, there are no goals, so teams will have to bring their own.

MissThundercat
07-31-2019, 10:55 AM
You could use the community ice here in Topsham, Maine for the East regional. We have no boards, no stands for fans, almost no parking and if the temperature is above freezing (almost certainly a given at that time of year) the ice will be more of a puddle than a sheet since it's outside. Another bonus is that the surface isn't even close to regulation and there are no markings on the ice. Come to think of it, there are no goals, so teams will have to bring their own.

Maybe not for the East regional, but this would be a sterling location for our midseason tournament. Problem is, we don't want any spectators, so we would have to get creative to keep people away. In 2018, we had 2 people show up at a regional, which resulted in a massive scandal.

FadeToBlack&Gold
07-31-2019, 04:40 PM
What if we stoked it, and instead of players in a box, players sat in the fireplace while it was lit?

I approve. :)

MissThundercat
07-31-2019, 04:56 PM
Also, players approved of Guy Fieri's cooking last year during the Futile Four. But those players are in college and have no taste.

I called Lisa Lillien, the "Hungry Girl," and asked if she'd be willing to cook. She's basically a low calorie Sandra Lee, minus the table scapes and cocktail time. She said just give her a time, date, and location, and she'd be willing to do it.

FadeToBlack&Gold
07-31-2019, 06:38 PM
Aunt Sandy and her cocktail time are definitely too haute couture for this tournament. If I can pull off this Baltika sponsorship, whooo boy.

MissThundercat
07-31-2019, 08:01 PM
Aunt Sandy and her cocktail time are definitely too haute couture for this tournament. If I can pull off this Baltika sponsorship, whooo boy.

And you should see Hungry Girl's recipes. Lots of fat free, low calorie, tasteless garbage.

If you can't get the Baltika sponsorship, at least see if you can get the Russians to prevent tournament officials from broadcasting results on their phone.

Snively65
08-01-2019, 06:18 AM
Does Marty want to be guest ref this year? I'm leaning toward the East regional being in Mt Washington again, if someone can loan us a Weather Machine.

My sources tell me that Marty has loved reffing the past two years, and he has had some teeth removed recently, so picking up the puck (and running with it) will be much easier for him now. Just don't call him late for dinner.

MissThundercat
08-01-2019, 07:16 AM
My sources tell me that Marty has loved reffing the past two years, and he has had some teeth removed recently, so picking up the puck (and running with it) will be much easier for him now. Just don't call him late for dinner.

Just pay him in tuna and head scratches, right?