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View Full Version : Bottom-Feeders Bracket: Road to "Futile Four" Site Selection Process



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northeastern
02-15-2013, 03:09 PM
According to Google Maps, they're 40 miles apart. And you have to go through Queens and the Bronx to get from one to the other..

and when you make it..kinda gives new meaning to the term.. 'final four'.. :)
oh sorry.. wrong sport..

what the heck, its winter.. we'll use a minivan to transport the survivors.. just call it 'frozen four' or something..
:)

Flashy Man
02-15-2013, 03:11 PM
Here's a good Midwest Regional site.

http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/event/article/id/249230/

Freddie
02-18-2013, 04:47 PM
The site selection committee is quite disappointed that none of the proposed venues have offered any bribes.
Remember; money talks, BS walks!

Terrier520
02-18-2013, 05:05 PM
According to Google Maps, they're 40 miles apart. And you have to go through Queens and the Bronx to get from one to the other. So I'd say transportation from one to the other will definitely be maddening, especially if the games are scheduled during rush hour.
I propose that the first and third periods of the first game AND THE SECOND PERIOD OF THE SECOND GAME (edited to add that) take place in long beach, while the other periods take place in Rye. This should also draw the ire of green peace, sierra club, and everyone who hates smog. Heck, not even Fox could defend this pointless pollution!

Priceless
02-18-2013, 05:12 PM
The site selection committee is quite disappointed that none of the proposed venues have offered any bribes.
Remember; money talks, BS walks!

Like any of the proposed sites can offer cash bribes. I'm sure most of them could offer discounts at nearby flea-bag hotels and greasy spoons though.

Freddie
02-18-2013, 05:25 PM
Like any of the proposed sites can offer cash bribes. I'm sure most of them could offer discounts at nearby flea-bag hotels and greasy spoons though.

Sexual favors always make a nice alternative for cash.

RPI fan 4 life
02-18-2013, 05:55 PM
Sexual favors always make a nice alternative for cash.

Risk getting an STD in order to "host" this event?? How low can you go??

BUPhD
02-18-2013, 08:20 PM
The site selection committee is quite disappointed that none of the proposed venues have offered any bribes.
Remember; money talks, BS walks!

I can offer the committee the finest in Obama/Biden inaugural swag from the wholesaler around the corner from the site. You'll have to take an order of thousands of buttons though.

Also, a quick stop at Oasis liquors across the street from the site is available. They recently got their license back after having it revoked for a few years because they were attracting enough winos in the wee hours of the morning that an unusual amount of feces and urine was found among the passed out drunks in the alleyways around the area.

And if sexual favors is your thing, DC is your city.

Federal League
02-18-2013, 08:46 PM
The site selection committee is quite disappointed that none of the proposed venues have offered any bribes.
Remember; money talks, BS walks!

Just got off the phone with the host committee in Gunnison, Colo., and they've agreed to provide the BFB/FF selection committee with free gas masks should they choose to tour the facility. They'll also provide you with free rope tow passes for Ronnie's Backyard Ski Hill a half mile down the street. They are looking forward to your visit.

Federal League
02-18-2013, 08:53 PM
I propose that the first and third periods of the first game take place in long beach, while the other periods take place in Rye. This should also draw the ire of green peace, sierra club, and everyone who hates smog. Heck, not even Fox could defend this pointless pollution!

The Greater New York Hockey Planning Committee approves of this plan. However, they do not have the money to provide transportation for the teams, so they must ask the schools to pay their own way should they be sent to this regional. I'm sure the BFB/FF crew will not only understand, but roundly approve of, their severe lack of funding.

Patman
02-18-2013, 10:19 PM
I can offer the committee the finest in Obama/Biden inaugural swag from the wholesaler around the corner from the site. You'll have to take an order of thousands of buttons though.

Also, a quick stop at Oasis liquors across the street from the site is available. They recently got their license back after having it revoked for a few years because they were attracting enough winos in the wee hours of the morning that an unusual amount of feces and urine was found among the passed out drunks in the alleyways around the area.

And if sexual favors is your thing, DC is your city.

If malt liquor is your thing, New York Ave is the place to be.

Patman
02-18-2013, 10:24 PM
The Greater New York Hockey Planning Committee approves of this plan. However, they do not have the money to provide transportation for the teams, so they must ask the schools to pay their own way should they be sent to this regional. I'm sure the BFB/FF crew will not only understand, but roundly approve of, their severe lack of funding.

So, traveling via Panama Canal cargo crate?

edit: Has the committee considered a proper outdoor game? Fairbanks town dump? A hollowed out old cargo ship set a drift could provide to be convenient.

jjmc85
02-18-2013, 11:52 PM
Has the committee considered a proper outdoor game? Fairbanks town dump? A hollowed out old cargo ship set a drift could provide to be convenient.

I'm gonna guess not.

Site selection will be based on the following criteria:
1. We seek the poorest quality facilities, and are especially fond of venues without ample locker-room space or silly amenities for the fans...like seats, heat, rest rooms, or edible concessions.
2. The committee considers it desirable for the venues to be in out-of-the-way locations, and prefers they lack easy access to basic creature comforts: hotels, restaurants and public transportation.
3. While we realize that even the nastiest places on earth may have some redeeming, positive attribute (that might, otherwise make the area seem 'over-qualified' to host an event of this magnitude) we give special preference to prospective sites that no rational, sane human being would be likely to visit voluntarily.
4. As the old saying goes; "A picture is worth a thousand words." The committee encourages you to include pictures of your rink, and links to web-sites.
5. No rink that is currently the home of any NCAA D1 or D3 team will be considered (even though we can think of several that meet the above criteria; shout out to my friends at Ferris State :p
6. While this might seem to contradict #1, the committee will only consider indoor facilities (OK, they can be open from the sides, but the ice must be under roof). We refuse to join the outdoor hockey frenzy!
7. Please keep this in mind. While that 'other' national tournament is a reward for the players, coaches, fans and their respective schools; this tournament is intended as punishment for those programs that really suck!
8. It would not be unreasonable to believe that the committee could be influenced by any sort of incentives, kickbacks or outright bribes.

Bids will be accepted until 7:00AM EST on Sunday, March 3.

The Team Selection process will be covered in a separate thread.

Patman
02-19-2013, 12:32 AM
I'm gonna guess not.

what if we had a large tarpaulin installed?

SIOUXMAN74
02-19-2013, 06:24 PM
Look at this, I know its in St. Paul but it is a horse and farm animal show building. It is really musty, has old worn benches for seats, and the ice looks like it is made with bown river water. Most obnoxious of all, it smells like horse and cow crap. Its really dirty, the locker rooms are buried in the place somewhere.

http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID31540/images/coliseum_06.jpg

huskyfan
02-19-2013, 07:36 PM
Risk getting an STD in order to "host" this event?? How low can you go??

oh. they can go lower ...

SIOUXMAN74
02-19-2013, 07:51 PM
We should find a desolate place in the middle of some podunk town in the backwoods of Mississippi.

CornwallAce
02-19-2013, 08:25 PM
The Lancaster, PA site is offering Amish tours. And will transfer the teams in buggies to and from the rink.

Federal League
02-19-2013, 08:58 PM
We should find a desolate place in the middle of some podunk town in the backwoods of Mississippi.

The 2011 Futile Four was held in Flowood, Mississippi: http://board.uscho.com/showthread.php?87911-Bottom-Feeders-Bracket-Futile-Four-2010&p=4575636&viewfull=1#post4575636

In fact, reading through that thread again, I am reminded that Flowood never got its championship game, thanks to that unfortunate kidnapping incident. I called up Johnnie James to see if the guys in Flowood would be interested in hosting again. He said he had no recollection of ever hosting a hockey tournament, but also admitted that his alcoholism has gotten significantly worse over the last year and a half and that he doesn't remember much of anything any more.

Regardless, he said if the BFB/FF wants to use the rink, they're more than welcome. He said the rink hasn't gotten much use since the local figure skating club took their business elsewhere after filing a restraining order against two of his workers. Johnnie said there's no chance of him remembering the dates of the tournament, but that the rink is always unlocked even if no one's working. Says some group called "NAMBLA" likes to hold late-night meetings there, so they don't bother locking up.

Jimjamesak
02-19-2013, 10:55 PM
I've spoken to the folks in Wasilla and they're offering a copy of a Sarah Palin book and a night with Bristol Palin...