UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

[HockeyRef]

Fun with Souza, Dick & Stu - Offseason Edition - Part I

See three men
See three men golf
Who are the men?
Dick is the old man
Souza is the tall man
Stu is the other man

Dick is Souza's boss
Souza will be the new boss
Stu works for Dick now
Stu wanted Dick's job too
Souza got Dick's job
Stu may be odd man out
This is awkward

(Today's word, boys and girls, is awkward. Awkward is a feeling you get in the pit of your tummy that makes you feel bad. Like a tummy ache but not from eating too much.)

Dick hits first
Dick hits the ball into the woods
Dick takes a mulligan

(Today's fun word, boys and girls, is mulligan. Mulligan is a do-over. Like when you mess up, and pretend you did not mess up. Mulligans make golf lots more fun for bad golfers.)

Dick hits another ball
Dick hits the ball straight
Dick is happy
Souza hits the ball straight
Souza is happy
Stu hits the ball into the woods
Stu wants a mulligan
"No mulligan for you, Stu"
Stu is
Stu goes to the woods to find his ball

"Why is Stu in woods, Dick?"
"Stu sucks at golf, Souza,"
"But you hit the ball into the woods too, boss?"
"No I didn't, kid. It's right here, with yours."
"Oh yes, I see boss. Right here with mine."
"Good. This is why you will be the new boss, and Stu will not be."

Stu finds his ball
Stu hits his ball
Stu hits his ball well
Stu's ball takes a bad bounce near the green
Stu's ball ends up in the sand trap
Unlucky Stu

Souza hits next
Souza puts it on the green
Good shot, Souza!
Dick hits last
Dick hits the ball towards the sand trap
Dick's ball hits a rake in the sand trap
Dick's ball bounces onto the green
Lucky shot, Dick!

Stu chips out from the trap
Stu's chip hits the flag
Stu's ball rolls 5 feet away from the pin
Stu knows how to scramble

(Today's last fun word, boys and girls, is scramble. Scramble means getting out of a tight spot. Not Spot - that will be later - just any place is a spot. Stu has had to scramble since Souza got the job he wanted.)

Dick is away
Dick is 50 feet away
Dick putts the ball
Now Dick is 10 feet away
"Good shot, Dick! You can pick that up."
"What about mine, Souza?"
"Let me putt first, and then we'll see, Stu."
Souza putts his ball
Souza's ball rolls 15 feet into the center of the cup
"Good shot, Souza!"
"Thanks Dick. Stu, you can go next."
"Why can't I pick mine up? I'm twice as close as Dick was?"
"Stop whining, Stu, and take your putt."

Stu is
Stu's putt is hard
Stu's putt goes through the break and rims out
Stu taps in for a bogey 5
Stu is and Stu is
Dick is down for a par 4
Dick is
Souza cards a birdie 3
Souza is very

See three men walk to the second tee
Talk turns to who will be flying to Calgary
Dick will not fly to Calgary
Dick will fly to Aruba
There is hockey in Calgary
There is no hockey in Aruba
Stu will be flying to Calgary

Dick is to be going to Aruba
Souza is to be the next head coach after Dick retires
Stu thinks this is going to be a long off season

Welp think you've pretty much out done yourself Chuck...😉

[Chuck Murray]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

Fun with Souza, Dick & Stu - Offseason Edition - Part II

Three men walk to the second tee
This is a short par 3
There is water in front of the green
Souza hits first
Souza hits high and far
Souza hits his ball over the green
Souza is dry but in the rough
Souza is

Dick hits next
Dick lays up
Dick is old
Dick will take on the pond on his next shot
Dick is

Stu hits last
Stu pulls back his club to hit the ball
A cart beeps its horn and pulls up to the tee
Stu is startled
Stu scuffs his shot
Stu hits his ball into the pond
Stu is again

"Who is that in the cart?"
"That is Buck. Hi Buck!"
"Hi Buck!"
"Who is Buck?"
"Buck is our goalie coach"
"We have a goalie coach?"
"Silly Stu. Buck works on Skype"

(Today's fun word, boys and girls, is Skype. Skype is a fancy way to try to be in two places at the same time. Like when you have more important things to do in person, you use Skype to be in the less important place.)

Buck has come to visit
Buck has a day off
Most of Buck's clients are on vacation now
Buck's best client may be on vacation soon too
Buck finds out tomorrow when his vacation starts
Buck cannot stay long today

Buck has brought the cart
Buck has brought the beer
Buck wants to chat with Souza and Dick
Stu wants Buck to find his ball for him
Stu wants to throw Buck into the pond
"Silly Stu. You can drop near Dick's ball"
Buck laughs at Stu
Buck drives off with Souza and Dick

Stu catches up
Stu takes his drop near Dick
Stu will be hitting 3
Dick will be hitting 2
Stu hits first
Stu hits well
Stu's ball stops 3 feet from the pin
Stu is

Dick hits next
Dick clears the pond
Dick clears the green
Buck is parked next to Souza
Dick's ball hits Buck's cart
Dick's ball rolls to the pin and stops one foot short
"Lucky shot, Dick!"

Souza is ready to chip
Souza sees his ball move first
Dick sees Souza's ball move too
"Add one to your count, Souza"
Now Souza is
Souza takes a deep breath
Souza holes his third shot
"Good shot Souza!"
"You can pick that up, Dick"
"Thanks Souza"
"Can I pick mine up too?"
"What shot is that for you?"
"This is my fourth shot"
"Then you can pick up too, Stu"

Stu cards a bogey 4
Dick is down for a par 3
Dick is
Souza cards a par 3 too
Souza is
Buck pops open some beers
No beer for Stu

"Have you seen Danny, Buck?"
"Danny is on vacation at home"
"Are you in touch with Adam?"
"Who is Adam?"
Ha ha ha!! Buck made a joke!!
Dick likes Danny
Danny is Buck's client
Dick does not likes Adam
Adam is not Buck's client

Buck drives Souza and Dick to the third tee
Stu has to walk to the tee
Stu also still has no beer
This is becoming even more awkward

[Snively65]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

Why did Mike Robinson's name not come up with Buck's in Part 2 (second hole)?

[Chuck Murray]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

Why did Mike Robinson's name not come up with Buck's in Part 2 (second hole)?

Mike is not here yet
Mike will be here later this year
We think
Dick does not know Mike yet
Buck knows Dick likes Danny
Does Buck Skype with coach Mike?

[Snively65]

Mike is not here yet
Mike will be here later this year
We think
Dick does not know Mike yet
Buck knows Dick likes Danny
Does Buck Skype with coach Mike?

Oh, I get the parts that Mike is not here (yet) and that Dick likes Danny much better than Adam (who?), but thought Mike's name might come up with Buck. :-)

[NCAA watcher]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

Do you think Dickie will be interrupting his golf season? After all, he does want to make sure UNH has enought to keep his checks rolling in.

UNH Wildcats HockeyVerified account @UNHHockey 19h19 hours ago
Help support #UNHHockey during the #UNH603 Challenge starting on June 3! More info available at http://unh.edu/603 #GoUNH

Odd that UNH hockey is looking for "support" from their base when they have ignored what their base wants, and the reason they now need support is that their base has already voted with their wallets.
Perhaps UNH should do a "buy out Umile Challenge" that would yield better results?

[HockeyRef]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

As per the "UNH 603 Challenge":
I think this is more from the the Friends of UNH Hockey, who I don't believe have a lot of say in who's coaching or not....but that's just my impression. I'd love to pay my dues to the group during this challenge, as the money is matched up to $150.00, but not sure I have the cash right now to do it. This money directly impacts the players; they give a scholarship, provide meals, equipment, and so many other things, and I'm happy to help them out to provide the things the U cannot.

By the way, since we are talking about golf lately, don't forget the UNH hockey golf tournament:

http://friendsofunhhockey.com/golf.html

[After the Whistle]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

Mike is not here yet
Mike will be here later this year
We think
Dick does not know Mike yet
Buck knows Dick likes Danny
Does Buck Skype with coach Mike?

Not sure what folks know about our "Volunteer Goalie Coach" but I have to say, I see him at every home game. He goes down before the game, between periods and at the end. And while not looking for him at away games, I do often see him at those too. I'm not sure just how much you can put on his back with the product. You are asked to support a kid by his family or his coach and then.... i would assume he coaches all of our goalies but certainly can't say for sure.

Point is he is present.

[Snively65]

Not sure what folks know about our "Volunteer Goalie Coach" but I have to say, I see him at every home game. He goes down before the game, between periods and at the end. And while not looking for him at away games, I do often see him at those too. I'm not sure just how much you can put on his back with the product. You are asked to support a kid by his family or his coach and then.... i would assume he coaches all of our goalies but certainly can't say for sure.

Point is he is present.

But, is Buck on the ice during PRACTICE? "You know, it is only practice, not a game, man, not a game, only practice."

[HockeyRef]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

But, is Buck on the ice during PRACTICE? "You know, it is only practice, not a game, man, not a game, only practice."

UNH1932 might have the answer to the Q...I too have seen "Buck" at games (home and away) but do not know how much influence he has on the goalies during the season? CHC, any idea?

Speculation here (and other places) throws his name around as the next Asst. Coach when DU steps down. UNH surely must be looking to add a coach with not only powerful recruiting skills (prob the most important) but one with defense as their forte. Time will tell kiddies!

[Dan]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

Not sure what Buckley can do - present or otherwise - with bad goalies. Perhaps start recommending his better students, instead of...

But as for what's currently in Durham? Their ceilings are their roofs - as MJ would say.

As for him being the next full time asst - that would be a terrible choice. As a volunteer at UMass/UNH has never recruited a day in his life. Coaching goalies is zero indicator he'd make a good coach for defensemen. It's not the time for UNH to experiment.

Add all that up - and it probably will be him...

[Snively65]

Not sure what Buckley can do - present or otherwise - with bad goalies. Perhaps start recommending his better students, instead of...

But as for what's currently in Durham? Their ceilings are their roofs - as MJ would say.

As for him being the next full time asst - that would be a terrible choice. As a volunteer at UMass/UNH has never recruited a day in his life. Coaching goalies is zero indicator he'd make a good coach for defensemen. It's not the time for UNH to experiment.

Add all that up - and it probably will be him...

Maybe poach Mike Ayers from BC, like we poached Mike Souza from Yukon?

[Chuck Murray]

Re: UNH Wildcats 2017 Off-season: The Clash Question

Fun with Souza, Dick & Stu - Offseason Edition - Part III

Three men drive to the third tee
One man walks behind
Buck gets to the tee, and has to leave
Duty calls, far away
"Bye Buck!" "Bye Buck!"
"Bye guys! Break a leg!"

Stu asks for a beer
"We don't have any beer, Stu"
"What is that then?"
"This is Tab, Stu"
"Dick likes Tab"
"What is *Tab*?"
"It's old and it's bad"
"Now I know why Dick likes Tab then"

Dick shoots Stu a harsh glare
Souza steps up to hit first again
The third hole is a dogleg left

(Today's fun word, boys and girls, is dogleg. Dogleg is golf slang for a hole that starts going one way, and then turns the other way. You could say that Dick's UNH coaching career has turned into a dogleg. Now, let's continue with the action on the course ... )

Souza looks from down the tee
There are men in the woods far away on the right
"Who are those men, Dick?"
"Looks like Fish and Game, Souza"
"Should I wait or should I hit?"
"Hit away, Souza. They are too far away. You are safe"

Souza hits straight but safe and short.
Good shot Souza!
Dick hits next
Dick's shot goes hard left
Dick's ball ends up under pine trees
There are stakes under the trees
Unlucky Dick
Stu is kind of fed up now
Stu is going to grip and rip
Stu rips his long and hard
Too long, through the dogleg
Stu yells "Fore!" but it is too late
Now Stu's ball hits a branch
The branch was on a tree on the right
The branch falls onto Fish
The ball hits off Game
Fish and Game are Uh oh
Stu is in lots of trouble now
"Why did you do that, Stu? Dumb a$$"

Souza for once goes to help Stu
Stu is in deep do do
Dick goes alone to get his ball
Dick finds his ball
His ball is to the left of the stakes by a foot
His ball is also next to four black bears
"Hi Dick - guess who?"
Dick turns and Dick is
"That can't be you ... Shawn?"
"Good guess, Dick! Yes it is. And there is Grant!"
"But you are dead, and Grant is done"
"You are right, Dick - still sharp as a tack!"
"But why are you here? Why??"
"We are here to help the black bears"
"Shawn is right - Fish and Game are after them"
"Grant is the best at finding black bears"
"So here we are. Long time no see, Dick!"
"Tri City Dodge it was, right Shawn?"
"Yes. That was nice of you. I owe you one, Dick"
Shawn kicks Dick's ball three feet to the right of the stakes
No more penalty! Yay Shawn! Yay Grant!
"You can't do that, Shawn. That is wrong"
"No it isn't Dick. I just had a spasm. It is OK"
"You are nuts Shawn"
"No, I am dead, Dick. YOU are nuts, and now YOU cheat"

(What follows is what has become known as locker room talk between Dick and his old pals. We have left that part out here so we do not offend any of you. WIS hates to be offensive. So on we go ... )

The four black bears leave with Shawn and Grant
Stu finds his ball
Fish and Game find Stu
Fish and Game are still
Stu is
"Why are you two guys here?"
"We are looking for four black bears"
"There are black bears here?"
"We think so"
"I have not seen any. Did you Souza?"
"No sir. Not yet, sir"
"Maybe you should check with Dick over there?"

The men gaze across the course
Dick is acting nuts
But no one else is there
"Crazy Dick!" "Ha ha Dick!"
"Dick being Dick!!"
"Maybe he saw a bad ref!!!"

Stu hits out of the trees
Stu hits a two iron under the trees
Stu's ball lands on the green
Lucky shot, Stu!!
Souza walks to his ball
His shot lands on the green too
Stu is closer this time
All four men go to see Dick

Dick is still
Dick is pale as a ghost
"What's up, Dick?"
"Your ball moved, Dick. Foot wedge?"
"Souza is right, Dick. You cheated."

(More locker room talk follows, and Dick tries to explain to Fish and Game what has just happened to him. Fish looks at Game, and Game looks back and . They agree Dick is nuts. Souza and Stu agree Dick cheated. But Souza and Stu agree to graciously give their still-boss another mulligan for the penalty stroke. Dick chips out from under the pine trees into the fairway and lands his third shot onto the green)

"Boss, you look like a mess"
"Throw me a beer Tab, Souza"
"We are worried about you, boss"
"Shut the eff up Stu, and let's putt this out"
Souza and Stu have never seen Dick quite like this

Dick rolls his long putt to twelve feet
"You can pick that up, Dick" they both chirp
Now Souza putts within an inch to the right
Good try, Souza! You can pick that up too
Stu putts last
Stu also misses by an inch
Dick tells Stu to pick up too
Stu is but Stu is
On to the fourth tee
Who knows what comes next?

The score after three holes (Par 11) stands:

*Souza -1 Dick +1 Stu +2

Souza has the lead
Souza still has honors

[Snively65]

[B]
His ball is also next to four black bears
"Hi Dick - guess who?"
Dick turns and Dick is
"That can't be you ... Shawn?"
"Good guess, Dick! Yes it is. And there is Grant!"
"But you are dead, and Grant is done"
"You are right, Dick - still sharp as a tack!"
"But why are you here? Why??"
"We are here to help the black bears"
"Shawn is right - Fish and Game are after them"
"Grant is the best at finding black bears"

The four black bears leave with Shawn and Grant
Stu finds his ball
Fish and Game find Stu
Fish and Game are still
Stu is
"Why are you two guys here?"
"We are looking for four black bears"

On to the fourth tee
Who knows what comes next?

Who knows, indeed, especially with Buck already gone. And, four black bears, Fish and Game, and the ghosts of Shawn and Grant will be tough to follow on the fourth hole.

[NCAA watcher]

We know how the story progresses, with Dick on the back 9 and having shot a 76 on the final 4 holes, still barking at Souza and gripping the 3 iron for Souza while he tries to hit, while "teaching" Mike how to play golf. And after triple bogey on 18, going to the club manager to get an additional 3 holes added to the match.