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A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

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  • #76
    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Originally posted by Twitch Boy View Post
    And a Crossfitter. And a Herbashakealifeologist/whatever multilevel marketing scam the kiddies are up to these days.
    Knowing ONE beyond cool vegan and a bunch of *ing *hole vegans:

    http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201603_0601_cgidh_sm.jpg
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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    • #77
      Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

      Originally posted by FadeToBlack&Gold View Post
      Well, I've never met anyone who made sure to insert "Did I mention that I went to Brown?" into a random conversation.
      I know, but it's still a different thing. Michigan belongs with USC and Duke in the tirad of overrated alum puffery.

      The worst thing about Yale and Harvard pomposity is that it is, to some extent, deserved.
      Cornell University
      National Champion 1967, 1970
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      • #78
        Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

        I was in a pub last night, and drank a few.

        I noticed two large women by the bar.

        They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

        One of them chirped, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

        So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland ?"

        That's the last thing I remember...
        A bad cause requires many words.

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        • #79
          Science can tell you how to clone a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

          Humanities can tell you why this might be a bad idea.
          Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
          "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
          Patreon for exclusive writing content
          Adventures With Amber Marie

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          • #80
            Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

            Originally posted by SonofSouthie View Post
            That's the last thing I remember...
            Shouldn't that be, "And that's when the trouble started."
            The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved. <-- Virtue signaling.

            North Dakota Hockey:

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            • #81
              Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

              Originally posted by SonofSouthie View Post
              I was in a pub last night, and drank a few.

              I noticed two large women by the bar.

              They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

              One of them chirped, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

              So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland ?"

              That's the last thing I remember...
              A blind man is sitting in a bar sipping his drink, and the conversation turns to jokes...

              He says, "hmm... I know a good one about a blonde...."

              "Hey, wait a minute!" says the bartender. "I'm blonde, and I'm serving you, so you better be careful. and the woman next to you, she works at Department of Corrections, and she's blonde too. and the woman behind you, she's also a blonde, and a bodybuilder as well. And standing next to her is an MMA fighter, and she's a blonde. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

              He replies, "well, no, not if I'm going to have to explain it four times....."
              "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

              "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

              "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

              "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

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              • #82
                Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                Originally posted by FreshFish View Post
                A blind man is sitting in a bar sipping his drink, and the conversation turns to jokes...

                He says, "hmm... I know a good one about a blonde...."

                "Hey, wait a minute!" says the bartender. "I'm blonde, and I'm serving you, so you better be careful. and the woman next to you, she works at Department of Corrections, and she's blonde too. and the woman behind you, she's also a blonde, and a bodybuilder as well. And standing next to her is an MMA fighter, and she's a blonde. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

                He replies, "well, no, not if I'm going to have to explain it four times....."
                A bad cause requires many words.

                Comment


                • #83
                  A storm is raging and a ship is starting to sink.

                  Captain summons his crew and asks "does anyone know how to pray?"

                  Young sailor steps up and says "I know how to pray."

                  Captain says "good, you pray. The rest of us will put on our life jackets.'
                  Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                  "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                  Patreon for exclusive writing content
                  Adventures With Amber Marie

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                    A man at a bar notices an attractive woman sitting by herself at a table, so he approaches her, and says hi. They chit-chat for a bit, then she says very loudly, "You cad! No I will not go home with you tonight!" Embarrassed, he slinks back to the bar.

                    A bit later, she approaches the man, and apologizes. She explains she's a local co-ed, and was doing a social experiment to see what reactions she gets when presented with an embarrassing situation. The man then loudly says, "$200?! You ain't that good-looking, honey!" and walks out.
                    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
                    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                      Originally posted by Kepler View Post
                      I know, but it's still a different thing. Michigan belongs with USC and Duke in the tirad of overrated alum puffery.

                      The worst thing about Yale and Harvard pomposity is that it is, to some extent, deserved.
                      What do a Marine, a Michigan alum and a Texan all have in common? Within 5 minutes of meeting any of them you'll know they were in the Marine Corp, or graduated from Michigan, or hail form Texas.

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                      • #86
                        Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                        Originally posted by WeAreNDHockey View Post
                        What do a Marine, a Michigan alum and a Texan all have in common? Within 5 minutes of meeting any of them you'll know they were in the Marine Corp, or graduated from Michigan, or hail form Texas.
                        3 people walk into a bar. One's a vegan, one's a marathoner, and one does Pilates. Who talks first?
                        Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
                        Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                          Originally posted by Brenthoven View Post
                          3 people walk into a bar. One's a vegan, one's a marathoner, and one does Pilates. Who talks first?
                          The bartender; "what'll ya have, folks?"
                          "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

                          "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

                          "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

                          "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                            A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. The bartender sees the three of them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
                            The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved. <-- Virtue signaling.

                            North Dakota Hockey:

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                            • #89
                              Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                              So, there is a public figure that the media despises. He is on a yacht having a conversation with a world leader. the world leader's treasured, favorite hat blows off his head. He is going to order the crew to lower a rowboat to retrieve it. The public figure says, "no, wait, I'll get it" and he walks across the waves, picks up the hat, and walks back across the waves to the yacht.

                              The next day, the media trumpets the story, "public figure cannot swim!"
                              "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

                              "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

                              "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

                              "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

                                Obama and Bill Clinton are having a conversation.

                                Obama: People are worried that Hillary is losing her focus. How's her head currently?
                                Bill: Well, she's no Monica.
                                Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                                "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                                Patreon for exclusive writing content
                                Adventures With Amber Marie

                                Comment

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