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Thread: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

  1. #241
    Lucia Apologist
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    I'd say some of the best posts on USCHO come from Bob in this thread.


    One of my favorites:
    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    My parents in 1999: Don't trust anyone on the Internet.

    My dad in 2016: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says that Hillary invented AIDS.
    Code:
    As of 9/21/10:         As of 9/13/10:
    College Hockey 6       College Football 0
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    Quote Originally Posted by SanTropez View Post
    May your paint thinner run dry and the fleas of a thousand camels infest your dead deer.
    Quote Originally Posted by bigblue_dl View Post
    I don't even know how to classify magic vagina smoke babies..
    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    When the giraffes start building radio telescopes they can join too.
    He's probably going to be a superstar but that man has more baggage than North West.

  2. #242
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dxmnkd316 View Post
    I'd say some of the best posts on USCHO come from Bob in this thread.


    One of my favorites:
    Thank you. One weird side effect of severe depression is a unique sense of humor. Also, working retail for so long gave me plenty of time for observation.

  3. #243
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    From Facebook, a Yooper joke:

    A YOOPER LENTEN JOKE
    Yoopers love to joke about themselves. They love Eino and Toivo jokes. This one was told to da Yooper Pastor by a Yooper Catholic. All in good fun, eh!

    Every Friday night after work, Toivo came over to Eino's for supper. They would fire up his outdoor grill outside of Hancock and cook some venison steaks. But many of Eino's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden to eat meat on Friday.

    The delicious aroma of the steaks wafted over Hancock all the way to Houghton. It caused such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

    The Priest visited Toivo and Eino, and suggested that they become Catholic. After several classes and much study, the two attended Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over them, he said, "You were born Lutheran, and raised Lutheran, but now you are Catholic."

    Toivo and Eino's neighbors were relieved, until Friday night arrived. Once again the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled all of Hancock.

    The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors. As he rushed into Eino's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold his two new converts, he stopped in his tracks and watched in amazement.

    There stood Toivo with a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the platter of grilled meat held by Eino. Toivo chanted: "You vuz born a deer, an' you vuz raised a deer, but now you is a walleye, eh!"
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
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  4. #244
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Big thumbs up if the inside of your car is empirical proof you're not a litter bug!
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
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  5. #245
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I keep singing Barenaked Ladies.
    Priest: How long since your last confession?
    Me: It's been...
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
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    Adventures With Amber Marie

  6. #246
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Feel shame for that one
    Code:
    As of 9/21/10:         As of 9/13/10:
    College Hockey 6       College Football 0
    BTHC 4                 WCHA FC:  1
    Quote Originally Posted by SanTropez View Post
    May your paint thinner run dry and the fleas of a thousand camels infest your dead deer.
    Quote Originally Posted by bigblue_dl View Post
    I don't even know how to classify magic vagina smoke babies..
    Quote Originally Posted by Kepler View Post
    When the giraffes start building radio telescopes they can join too.
    He's probably going to be a superstar but that man has more baggage than North West.

  7. #247
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by dxmnkd316 View Post
    Feel shame for that one
    Gotta try em out somewhere.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  8. #248
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    That White House intern brings another dress to the dry cleaner.
    The dry cleaner looks at it and says, "No problem. We can handle that. It'll be ready Thursday. Come again."

    "No. It's toothpaste."
    The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved.

    North Dakota Hockey:

  9. #249
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Two stages of my life:

    1. I should eat.

    2. I shouldn't have eaten that much.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  10. #250

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    Two stages of my life:

    1. I should eat.

    2. I shouldn't have eaten that much.
    #mepoo
    (with apologies to jericho)

  11. #251
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    A guy tells his wife, "I bet you can't p*ss me off and make me happy at the same time".

    Wife, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers".
    A bad cause requires many words.

  12. #252

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by SonofSouthie View Post
    A guy tells his wife, "I bet you can't p*ss me off and make me happy at the same time".

    Wife, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers".
    "Father's" would have been a lot funnier.
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  13. #253
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Me: I have the sex appeal of a math book.
    My friend: I don't know of anyone who opened a math book and didn't say "f-ck me."
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  14. #254
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    "Oh, we're $16 now."- salads
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  15. #255
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    "Oh, we're $16 now."- salads
    Seriously, it really has gotten ridiculous. I recently drew the line at $9 for a house salad, and ordered the steamed clams appetizer instead.
    Michigan Tech: "Working with scraps and guys from places so remote that Houghton seems like a metropolis"

  16. #256
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by FadeToBlack&Gold View Post
    Seriously, it really has gotten ridiculous. I recently drew the line at $9 for a house salad, and ordered the steamed clams appetizer instead.
    Eventually, a steak dinner will be cheaper than a salad.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  17. #257
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    Eventually, a steak dinner will be cheaper than a salad.
    So many apps are the same cost as a friggin' meal. Well, that app better fill me, otherwise go to hell.

    And to keep on topic, there are 2 kinds of people on this planet: those who can extract information from incomplete data.
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

  18. #258
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Extrapolate

  19. #259
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Me: Why do I feel terrible?
    Body: Coffee is not a meal.
    Body: Get some sleep.
    Body: Eat some vegetables.
    Me: Guess we'll never know.
    Body: Oh my god!
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  20. #260
    wubba lubba dub dub
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Brenthoven View Post
    So many apps are the same cost as a friggin' meal. Well, that app better fill me, otherwise go to hell.

    And to keep on topic, there are 2 kinds of people on this planet: those who can extract information from incomplete data.
    There are 2 kinds of people on this planet: Those who can retell a joke correctly.



    "The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." George Orwell, 1984

    "One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its Black Gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume." Boromir

    "Good news! We have a delivery." Professor Farnsworth

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