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Thread: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

  1. #261
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Oldie but perhaps new to someone:

    There are actually 10 kinds of people in the world: those who know binary, and those who don't.
    If you don't change the world today, how can it be any better tomorrow?

  2. #262
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Brenthoven View Post
    So many apps are the same cost as a friggin' meal. Well, that app better fill me, otherwise go to hell.

    And to keep on topic, there are 2 kinds of people on this planet: those who can extract information from incomplete data.
    There are two groups of people on this planet: those who break people into two groups and those who don't.
    bigmrg74: "You can't drink the day away if you don't start early!"
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    All great men are dead and I'm not feeling well.
    A Margarita! in every hand and another Margarita! in the other hand!

    And stay off the lawn!

  3. #263
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    My hobbies include eating and thinking about the next time I will be eating.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  4. #264
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    The secret to inner peace is simple: don't read the comments.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  5. #265
    Anti-Semantic Brenthoven's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by LynahFan View Post
    Oldie but perhaps new to someone:

    There are actually 10 kinds of people in the world: those who know binary, and those who don't.
    That is a new one to a few people, and appreciated by many, many more. Got a few hundred likes on the Tweeter Machine when I posted that response (to something or other) a few weeks ago.
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

  6. #266
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    The secret to inner peace is simple: don't read the comments.
    Indeed. I've had far better discussions with Trump voters in-person, than I ever have on social media. And none of them ended with anything less than a handshake and agreement to disagree.
    Michigan Tech: "Working with scraps and guys from places so remote that Houghton seems like a metropolis"

  7. #267
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by FadeToBlack&Gold View Post
    Indeed. I've had far better discussions with Trump voters in-person, than I ever have on social media. And none of them ended with anything less than a handshake and agreement to disagree.
    TYPICAL LIBERAL CONCEDING TO WHATEVER IS THE POPULAR THING OF THE DAY. TOTAL WISHY-WASHY PERSONALITY. THIS IS WHY AMERICA NEEDS TO BE MADE GREAT AGAIN. STAND FOR YOUR BELIEFS!



    a
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

  8. #268
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Brenthoven View Post
    TYPICAL LIBERAL CONCEDING TO WHATEVER IS THE POPULAR THING OF THE DAY. TOTAL WISHY-WASHY PERSONALITY. THIS IS WHY AMERICA NEEDS TO BE MADE GREAT AGAIN. STAND FOR YOUR BELIEFS!



    a
    I'm just a TOTAL CUCK. What else I can say? I bow to you superior ALPHA MALES, even if your dicks are smaller.

    Also, I'm center-left, not LIBRUL, thank you very much. LIBRUL is the territory of Kep, rufus, and trixie.
    Michigan Tech: "Working with scraps and guys from places so remote that Houghton seems like a metropolis"

  9. #269
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by FadeToBlack&Gold View Post
    I'm just a TOTAL CUCK. What else I can say? I bow to you superior ALPHA MALES, even if your dicks are smaller.

    Also, I'm center-left, not LIBRUL, thank you very much. LIBRUL is the territory of Kep, rufus, and trixie.
    Thank you for appreciating the joke. I'm center-right, not The Centrist as dubbed by King LIBRUL Scoobs.
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

  10. #270
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    It's hard when some people ARE the comments, though.

  11. #271
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Vince Vaughn, Robert De Niro, and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together.
    Vaughn says "I'll produce"
    De Niro says "I'll direct"
    McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write"

  12. #272
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Pride was this month. I think Wrath is next month.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  13. #273
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    "Wow, three tattoos... those are permanent, you know."

    Yeah, you have three kids... those are pretty **** permanent, Janice.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  14. #274
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    How to win an argument on the Internet (or here on USCHO):

    1. Shut off your computer
    2. Go outside
    3. Do something fun.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  15. #275
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissThundercat View Post
    How to win an argument on the Internet (or here on USCHO):

    1. Shut off your computer
    2. Go outside
    3. Do something fun.
    .

  16. #276
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Someone left a grocery list in this cart that said "coffee and sh-t".... so my soulmate is out there.

    And I'm sorry your day started with a drink made of ground up vegetables.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  17. #277
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Buying fruits and vegetables and letting them rot is an important first step in buying fruits and vegetables.

    Likewise, putting on workout clothes and not working out is an important first step in working out.

    Fruits and vegetables rot faster when you're the one who buys them.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  18. #278
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you didn't like it.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  19. #279
    If Only You Knew MissThundercat's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    I bought my boyfriend a get better soon card... not that he's sick or anything, he just needs to get better.
    twitter: PipersHouse920, instagram: bobambermarie
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    Adventures With Amber Marie

  20. #280
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.

    She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

    She asks him why he is staring.

    He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

    She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

    'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

    She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:

    #1, you have to be single and

    #2, you must be Catholic.'

    The cab driver is very excited and says,

    'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

    'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

    The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

    'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

    'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

    The nun says, 'That's OK.

    My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.'
    A bad cause requires many words.

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