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Thread: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

  1. #1
    occupe toi de tes oignons owslachief's Avatar
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    A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    "How many picked-on group du jour does it take to change a light bulb?"
    "Knock knock! (who's there?) ..."
    "A diverse group of objects walk into a bar ..."
    "What happens when you cross something A with something B?", said the geneticist with a sense of humor.

    Because it seemed like "really bad puns" just weren't a good fit for these. Not as if these are any less painful, though .

    Example:
    How many thought police does it take to change a lighbulb?
    A: There *was* no light bulb. Don't you remember??

    Or whatever category has stood the test of time. Stuff like that.

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Classics in the genre

    "How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?"
    -- one, as long as the light bulb really wants to change.

    "What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?"
    - 'ell if I know


    A dyslexic man walked into a bra.....


    "Knock Knock"
    -- who's there
    "Nomar"
    -- Nomar who?
    "No mar of these, please!"
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

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    DYKWIA? FadeToBlack&Gold's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    The light bulb jokes where you can insert the schools of your choice:



    How many Michigan students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Michigan it takes five - one to screw it in, and four to loudly proclaim that he/she did it as well as any Ivy Leaguer.

    How many Michigan State students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Michigan State it takes 1000 - one to screw it in, and 999 to riot and set the building on fire.

    How many Michigan Tech students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Michigan Tech it takes zero, because they much prefer playing video games in the dark.

    How many Ferris State students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Ferris it only takes one, but he/she gets six credits for it.

    How many NMU students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Northern, it takes nine - one to screw it in and the other eight just screw each other in celebration.

    How many CMU students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Central it takes zero - they're all too hungover from the night before to change the bulb.

    How many Oakland students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Oakand it takes zero - they have Mommy and Daddy pay someone to do it for them.
    Michigan Tech: "Working with scraps and guys from places so remote that Houghton seems like a metropolis"

    Boosh Factor (4/04/17): 5.242424

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    Defacing this tagline is a MAX foul Twitch Boy's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by FadeToBlack&Gold View Post
    How many Michigan students does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At Michigan it takes just one - he holds up the bulb and the world revolves around him.
    Alternate version.
    Michigan Tech Huskies Pep Band: Drink It In, Maaaaaan.
    Twitter Goodness: Twitch_Boy

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    Anti-Semantic Brenthoven's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Orange.

    How many women on PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

    CHANGE THE LIGHT BULB? OH, SO IT'S A "WOMAN'S JOB?!" TYPICAL MALE! I WORK ALL DAY AND NOW YOU EXPECT ME TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?! BESIDES THAT, YOU NEVER THANK ME FOR THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU! YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT, HONEY!"
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    -- How many [ethnicity-specific] mother-in-laws does it take to change a lightbulb?

    "None, I'll just sit here in the dark. You go out and have a good time and don't even think twice about leaving me all alone sitting here in the dark, that's okay, I'm sure I'll find a way to get by somehow...."
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

  7. #7
    Minding the gap MinnesotaNorthStar's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    How many New Jerseyans does it take to change a light bulb?

    3. One to change it, one to witness it, and one to shoot the witness...

    Matt Frattin for Hobey!!
    Originally posted by Quizmire
    mns, this is why i love you.

    Originally posted by Markt
    MNS - forking genius.

    Originally posted by asterisk hat
    MNS - sometimes you gotta answer your true calling. I think yours is being a pimp.

    Originally posted by hockeybando
    I am a fan of MNS.

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    "Knock, Knock."
    -- who's there?
    "Little Old Lady"
    --Little old lady who?
    "I never knew you could yodel!"
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    A blind man is sitting in a bar, and is about to tell a joke about blondes.

    The woman sitting next to him says, "hey, I'm a blonde, and I work for the Department of Corrections. The woman on the other side of you is a blonde, and she is a professional wrestler. The woman behind you is a blonde, and she is a police officer. and your bartender is a blonde, and she is a weight lifter. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

    He replies, "not if I'm going to have to explain it four times...."
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

  10. #10
    Anti-Semantic Brenthoven's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    A blind man picked up a hammer and saw....
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    In keeping with the college theme:

    How many Oxford professors does it take to change a lightbulb?

    CHANGE????!!!?!!?!?!!!?!!!


    (possibly too inside, but hilarious to anyone who has literally filled out paper forms in triplicate and hand carried them to 3 different offices to get a library card. My favorite Oxford tradition is the Mallard Song, which is held once per century (so, only 6 times so far) - but it's a tradition!)
    If you don't change the world today, how can it be any better tomorrow?

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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by FreshFish View Post
    "What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?"
    - 'ell if I know
    "What do you get if you cross an elephant with a poodle?"

    -A dead poodle

  13. #13
    never meant to make you cry
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Quote Originally Posted by owslachief View Post
    "A diverse group of objects walk into a bar ..."
    A seal walks into a club.
    "I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."
    Groucho Marx
    "You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever. "
    Ron White
    "If we stop being offensive, the Terrorists win."
    Milo Bloom

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    Anti-Semantic Brenthoven's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    An Irishman walks into a bar.

    The end.
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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    Already insane, UAA making it worse
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twitch Boy View Post
    Alternate version.
    Which school is the one that's "5, one to hold the lightbulb and four to drink until the room starts to spin"? I use that one for UAF.

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    Opposite Girl
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Big thumbs up for this thread.

  17. #17
    Anti-Semantic Brenthoven's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Met a French guy today. I asked him if he knew any German. He said no. I said, "You're welcome."

    Adam was strolling around Eden, and came across an elephant. They exchanged pleasantries, and the elephant said, "I have a question. How do you breath through that thing?"
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

  18. #18
    rock and roller
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    Pirate walks into a bar, has a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
    Bartender says, "Hey buddy, you know you got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
    Pirate says, "Aye, 'tis drivin' me nuts!!"
    Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!

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    Anti-Semantic Brenthoven's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    What does a gay horse eat?

    Hayyyyyyyyyyyy!
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

  20. #20
    Anti-Semantic Brenthoven's Avatar
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    Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

    I've got a great Ebola joke, but y'all probably won't get it.
    Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
    Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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