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Thread: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

  1. #121
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    He wears glasses during math because it helps division.
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    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
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    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  2. #122
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I know of someone who once worked in his family business: they ran funeral homes. he had to leave, though, too many plots.
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "While I thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel, in reality it was the headlight of an oncoming train."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

  3. #123
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Quote Originally Posted by FreshFish View Post
    I know of someone who once worked in his family business: they ran funeral homes. he had to leave, though, too many plots.
    I heard he got out of it because it was dying business.
    Uncle Mickey: July 23, 1950-July 22, 2003

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  4. #124
    Kichizapi Chetan
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    People were dying to meet them, but business was always dead.

  5. #125
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I was robbed recently. They took everything except my soap, deodorant, shower gels, and towels. Dirty thieves.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  6. #126
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I recently started reading "A History of Glue." I can't put it down.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  7. #127
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't gotten a gig.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  8. #128
    lubba wubba dub dub
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't gotten a gig.
    You're only 25MB short!
    "The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." George Orwell, 1984

    Women and I have an understanding. They tend to stay away from me, and I tend to understand that I'm repulsive to them. It's not my favorite understanding.

  9. #129
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I don't always listen to Metallica, but when I do, nothing else matters.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  10. #130
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    A Mexican magician says he can make himself disappear on the count of three. "Uno, dos..." *poof*

    He disappeared without a tres.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  11. #131
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    "I was once anti-biotic. But lately I've been more pro-biotic after reading more about their culture."- Neil deGrasse Tyson
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  12. #132
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

  13. #133
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    If you're dating someone that doesn't like Star Wars, you're looking for love in Alderaan places.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  14. #134
    Kichizapi Chetan
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Quote Originally Posted by ShirtlessBob View Post
    If you're dating someone that doesn't like Star Wars, you're looking for love in Alderaan places.
    Shouldn't that be "... you're wookie for love in Alderaan places"?


    (Sincere apologies to Mickey Gilley.)
    The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved.

    North Dakota Hockey:

  15. #135
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    On the train, there are ads encouraging people to buy diamonds to give as presents.

    One of them originally said "FOR THE MILESTONES IN YOUR LIFE" (the ad was all upper-case, essential to the joke).

    Someone had whited out the upper two horizontal strokes in the first "E" so it read as a second "L" instead....
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "While I thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel, in reality it was the headlight of an oncoming train."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

  16. #136
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Ad from purveyor of cheese:

    "We like it shaved for the holidays. How about you?"
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "While I thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel, in reality it was the headlight of an oncoming train."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

  17. #137
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Arnold Schwarzenegger went in to audition for a movie about classical composers. He had to leave, but he really wanted the role, so he told producers "I'll be Bach."
    Uncle Mickey: July 23, 1950-July 22, 2003

    WRPI, 91.5 FM...usually color commentary.

  18. #138
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Quote Originally Posted by jericho View Post
    Arnold Schwarzenegger went in to audition for a movie about classical composers. He had to leave, but he really wanted the role, so he told producers "I'll be Bach."
    after a pun like that, you should be Haydn your face.
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "While I thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel, in reality it was the headlight of an oncoming train."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

  19. #139

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreshFish View Post
    after a pun like that, you should be Haydn your face.
    You're now on my Liszt.

  20. #140
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    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Quote Originally Posted by joecct View Post
    You're now on my Liszt.
    Shoo, man.
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "While I thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel, in reality it was the headlight of an oncoming train."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

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