Page 26 of 27 FirstFirst ... 161718192021222324252627 LastLast
Results 501 to 520 of 529

Thread: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

  1. #501
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175
    Espresso may not be the answer, but it's worth a shot.

  2. #502
    They ignore ridicule & fight; I win
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    41,243

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Earlier, I was looking at an electrical outlet. Watt a sight.
    It was an honor to present your colors, RPI. Let's Go 'TUTE!
    May 14th, 2011, 11:00 PM ET: 2147483647

    Quote Originally Posted by Rover View Post
    I'm not happy about it either, but Flag is correct (cue the Twilight Zone music!).
    Quote Originally Posted by French Rage View Post
    Ahh crap I agree exactly with what FlagDude said.
    Quote Originally Posted by jericho on rpitv's chat
    I never thought I would say this, but you are right.
    Quote Originally Posted by Handyman View Post
    And yet, even if Flaggy is complete tinfoil hat, every day it looks closer and closer to the truth.
    Quote Originally Posted by burd View Post
    So flaggy: you win.

  3. #503
    International Spy
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Twin Cities, MN
    Posts
    3,416

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I started writing a screen play in hopes of selling it to be made into a movie. It was about a former CIA operative who's daughter gets kidnapped and sold as a sex slave while he goes to rescue her.
    Unfortunately I found out that plot was taken.

    Then I thought well, maybe the CIA guy could get kidnapped by the family of someone he killed earlier and his daughter could help rescue him.
    But that plot was taken too.

  4. #504
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a faux pa.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  5. #505
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    between Scylla and Charybdis
    Posts
    8,525

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I'm at a reception, and a South African man of Dutch descent walks into the room. The person next to me sees him, rolls her eyes, and leans over to whisper to me "Don't get trapped in a conversation with him; that guy is such a Boer!"
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

  6. #506
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    I was at a party once, and I lost my watch. I looked over, saw some guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. So I walked over and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  7. #507
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Charlie Brown and Snoopy were on a flight. Flight attendant walks up to them and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  8. #508
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Sheep dog: All 30 sheep are ready, farmer.
    Farmer: But I only count 26.
    Sheep dog: I know; I rounded them up.

    This one is pretty baaad, even by my standards.
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  9. #509
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    between Scylla and Charybdis
    Posts
    8,525

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Seen on a T-shirt:

    "I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

  10. #510
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    So you're a vegan, and that means you won't wear leather. Are you sure your opinion can't be suede?
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  11. #511
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Wow, you're gluten-free? You're really going against the grain, there. Pasta la vista, baby!
    twitter: PipersHouse920
    “Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”
    ― Franz Kafka
    269/1,000 miles ran, 0/2,000 on bicycle
    Next race: FUNderwear Run 5K on March 12, Irish Jig 5K on March 18.

  12. #512
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175
    What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

  13. #513
    not particularly bad
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Yost ice arena
    Posts
    8,867

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    What do you call a dinosaur that takes risks?

    A Daredactyl

  14. #514

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    20904/13677/07677/07621
    Posts
    30,798

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Teacher Arrested

    A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

    At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

    He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    ...Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

    As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

    When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

    White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

  15. #515
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175
    On my tombstone, please write "not appreciating my puns was a grave mistake."

  16. #516
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175
    Do conspiracy theorists go to sleep counting sheeple? Or do they stay woke as ****?

  17. #517
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175
    If I illegally download a movie in the Bahamas, does that make me a Pirate of the Caribbean?

  18. #518

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    20904/13677/07677/07621
    Posts
    30,798

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    The Itsy Bitsy spider washed out as a web developer.
    CCT '77 & '78
    4 kids
    4 grandsons (BCA 7/09, CJA 5/14, JDL 8/14, JFL 6/16,??? 4/18)

    ”Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”
    - Benjamin Franklin

    Banned from the St. Lawrence University Facebook page - March 2016 (But I got better).

    I want to live forever. So far, so good.

  19. #519
    mascot extraordinaire
    Join Date
    Sep 2000
    Location
    Here
    Posts
    7,933

    Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

    Why did Adele cross the road?
    To say hello from the other side.

  20. #520
    NEVER DIE! ShirtlessBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    At a Coffee Shop
    Posts
    38,175
    The surgical nurse was demoted for being absent without gauze.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •